Heidi G karlsson

It is cold tonight. I went to a hockey game. My niece farted on me. My nephew said “Me play hockey.” Ronald McDonald (he’s real you know) was there and we got hamburger coupons, happymeal toys, and National hockey team flags. I sat with my brother and knew people thought we were a family. And we are, but not like they thought. Brother’s kids. Not my kids. In fact, Ronald McDonald, when he handed me my flag, said, “and one for mom!” HAH. All night I was wondering what people thought – like curious because I haven’t seen my niece and nephew since early September, so they’re a little shy with me, but not with their dad… my brother. So they were hanging off of him and loving life… but I had to work hard and be really patient to capture their affections. So I imagined that people were watching, thinking, “wow. That dad is sure connected with his kids. Wow. How sweet… oh but that mom, something’s wrong there. The little boy doesn’t sit with her, he seems a little scared of her at times.” And...

I live on a hill, in the most beautiful area I have ever seen. Yes, there are roads carved into it and houses stacked up right next to each other... but then there are trees. Mountains. Hills. Sunsets. I am so tired my legs are buzzing. My house is silent, except for my fingers tapping on the keys of my mac. My brain is aware of .. I don't know how many things. My friend who just texted me, a new friend whose email I just read, the pile of Christmas cake on the counter that I hate, but ate a little of because there was nothing else, and my voice - which is so tired. . . and I wonder if I was mean tonight and yelled too much - but what do you do to people who are goofing around. I want to be everyone's friend... Tired. Peace. Jesus. I am alone. I'm surrounded. I make decisions constantly. I wish I had chocolate cake here. I'm glad I don't. If you were me, what one thing would you change?