Heidi G karlsson

I don't like birthdays because I feel like it is friendship report card day. Every year I get nervous. I don't think anyone will come. I have had some great birthdays over the years, and I think I have some great friendships. But it still doesn't add up.  I don't remember when I first started being afraid of the birthday party. When I was 16, my parents threw me a surprise party and invited my school AND church friends. I didn't have the social skills or wherewithall to enjoy myself. But I can remember even further back, being 10 maybe, and inviting some kids - but very carefully because there were these 3 girls that always hung out and I often felt left out and fought with them. So I only invited 1 of the 3. Or 2. And I told them so: "You guys aren't nice to me when you're together so I'm not inviting you all." Duh. Don't know why I cared so much. They were never my friends. I have always longed for deep, real and satisfying friend...

Yes, I have been. Chasing blogs. Tell me if you read any that you love. See, I have been shocked. I understand the value of blogging. It's like external journaling and you get feedback. Somehow some people get paid to do it. If I could I would. I think you have to be willing to opinion a bit more and dialogue with people who hate or disagree with you. I think you have to let people call you bad names and use it as fuel or to help you see you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. Maybe one day. Back to blogging - I have been searching for blogs worth reading. I'm sure there are some. I find some person then I find out they are famous, then I research them, and OH, wouldn't you know it.. scandal attached to their name. Not just like people calling them heretics, I'm fine with that. But bad stories people want to hide. I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm trying to replace facebook. What I should really do is go to the library and take out so...