Heidi G karlsson

Um. Things get worked out if you don't be a chicken. And then things are better than they could have been if you hadn't had something to be not chicken about. And then friendships are proven and love is solidified, and we all take ONE BIG STEP forward... together. So much to be happy about.

I am exhausted inside and out. Frustrated. To say I am "imperfect" is sort of a slam on the word "perfect." I shouldn't use it even though I'm saying "IM" in front of perfect. I want to be at least close to perfect. Thing is, there's a part of me that KNOWS who and what I am and what I'm capable of. That part is shouting swear words. It wants me to know that I am . . . blankety blank blank pile of blankety blank. So strange to be in one moment exhausted, aware of God's mercy, love and my dependence on Him.. but then also to have this inexhaustible striving inside, this insistence that I must under no circumstances surrender. I must not humble myself. I must not be ok with me... my best, my worst.. my self. But I am ok with me. I am also so mad at me. I am so tired. There is so much inside my head, inside my heart, inside inside inside. Come out little inside things. You are rattling every time I think, every time I move, every time I wa...

I am a fiance. That is to say, I have a fiance. That is to say, I've been fianced. That is to say, it is all too ... fantastical to believe, and yet there is nothing to believe.. only reality to see. Time to accept a new reality. Who hopes for what she already has? Something ridiculous has happened in my heart because in a moment I realized that this could possibly be a case of me being handed my dreams. I don't know where my heart is, but I felt it turn, and I worried for a split second. . . Cause dreams don't come true, you know? No one gets what they want, do they? In my long 31 years of existence on this planet, I have tried hard not to hold on to my list of grudges against God. They sort of come in buckets of disappointments and times He did and didn't do things that I couldn't understand. Sometimes being a Christian is funny because we think that we shouldn't want anything, but hot-dang do we ever want some stuff. So many times I'd look around and say ...