"I admire Jesus so much" said the elderly tall man with the small bald head with wild hair on the sides, enlarged stomach, bright yellow sweater and deep accented voice. Did he have glasses? I can't recall. It's not often that I hear someone talk about God in a way that gets my attention. But this guy had it. "I don't think (pause) you should (pause) fight to be like Jesus (giggle. pause) fighting just makes you tired (pause) you become like the ones you admire. you just spend time with them (pause) I just love to look at Jesus. I'm in love with him (giggle) I admire him so much..." and on he went. It might sound like he was a flake, but he wasn't. He commanded my attention. Sometimes people talk about ideas, other people talk about a reality. What do you do? What do I do? Sometimes I fight bitterness because Jesus doesn't show up in my life like I want him to. I WANT to look at him, but I can't see past the back of my eyelids.. I can't see out of my life.. I can't see beyond .. I .. I .. I can't see him. I know how I used to know him as a single person in coffee shops and lengthy guitar sessions downstairs all alone, but here... now.. where is He and what is the Christian life? I have never actually BELIEVED that the Holy Spirit counted the hours we prayed or read our Bibles, but I'm sure I have often felt this might be the case. Anyway, I just would really like to KNOW him more. It's nice to have more character, it's nice to change, it's nice to be inspired, it's nice to learn, but I would sure like to KNOW God, Jesus, Holy Spirit... let me look at you, I want to be like you.

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