It's late. I write. I wait. Pause pause pause (because it's late). Funny how time and thoughts don't always align. Because here I sit with it, but the words are wafting through the windows away from here.. So many directions I could follow those little wondering thoughts..
I wonder if God (and whoever else can see our lives) laughs at us. We pray and sometimes we get the answer we prayed and prayed and prayed for. But then, when the answer comes, it takes work to receive it and ... WHAT?!? is this how my God treats me? I thought answers to prayer were supposed to be like winning the lottery. .. free and easy.. But it's not. My mom printed this verse out for us a while back: "The blessing of the Lord, it makes truly rich, and He adds no sorrow with it, neither does toiling increase it." God is not normal. I sure don't understand much about life. I've been semi-meditating on it (let's be honest - it has been crossing my mind more than the average quote especially as of late and I have spent some time mulling). There's that verse that says unless the Lord builds a house, you're wasting your time and your energy and your building supplies. I know that some people like to sit and wait for lightening or thunderbolts or signs or words in the sky or someone else to tell them what God is saying, and all those things are neat, but my life isn't like that on a daily basis, and yet I still believe that I am giving him my life and that His blessing is here and I can't do anything smart to increase it. The whole "adds no sorrow" is that part that really gets me. You know how sometimes you can work things out to make them happen? Oh yeah, the old, "well if it works out then it's God's will." Give me a break. Factor in free will and a whole bunch of hard headedness and try to tell me that things happen because God wills it. I believe that God's will really doesn't add any sorrow to it. Doesn't mean it's not hard and doesn't mean that there isn't an enemy or odds to overcome and even outright opposition. When I have worked my will out there have been tremendous hurts and repercussions, even sorrow. But anyway, what I'm trying to say is that God isn't against work. He blesses (remember - cast your net on the OTHER side super fisher guys) but in order to receive it, there might be some work (there were so many fish their nets broke and they had to get other guys to come and help pull in the haul).
It has been a week of tremendous work and tremendous blessing. We have been praying for months for God to give us breakthrough - fruit we can hold in our hands and eat - not the proverbial "OH he has blessed us" and we talk in general terms, but breakthrough that changes our position, breakthrough that proves the old is gone and the new has come, breakthrough that says God has not forgotten us but in fact he has been waiting and working on our behalf for good. We've learned a lot on the way. Our boys have learned how to say "ridiculous favor" and pray against discouragement and know that business comes from God and so we talk to him about it. Lots we have learned. Hardship? Yes. Sorrow? Absolutely not. Some pretty rugged, honest, and unpretty prayers in the middle there. But we have relationship and at this point, an answer we like :) Doesn't always happen that way even though he is and always will be only good.
And the kids are cute, a wonderful challenge without multiple choice options for answers, alas they are not problems to be solved but people to be loved. Zamboni continues to grow and kick and move, one of the most exciting joys of my life, and my husband (and therefore our family) has seen God breakthrough (advance over the mountains toward us) on his behalf. And I am up late, and now he is home, and now we shall get back to work bringing in all those fish that are filling our net.
I wonder if God (and whoever else can see our lives) laughs at us. We pray and sometimes we get the answer we prayed and prayed and prayed for. But then, when the answer comes, it takes work to receive it and ... WHAT?!? is this how my God treats me? I thought answers to prayer were supposed to be like winning the lottery. .. free and easy.. But it's not. My mom printed this verse out for us a while back: "The blessing of the Lord, it makes truly rich, and He adds no sorrow with it, neither does toiling increase it." God is not normal. I sure don't understand much about life. I've been semi-meditating on it (let's be honest - it has been crossing my mind more than the average quote especially as of late and I have spent some time mulling). There's that verse that says unless the Lord builds a house, you're wasting your time and your energy and your building supplies. I know that some people like to sit and wait for lightening or thunderbolts or signs or words in the sky or someone else to tell them what God is saying, and all those things are neat, but my life isn't like that on a daily basis, and yet I still believe that I am giving him my life and that His blessing is here and I can't do anything smart to increase it. The whole "adds no sorrow" is that part that really gets me. You know how sometimes you can work things out to make them happen? Oh yeah, the old, "well if it works out then it's God's will." Give me a break. Factor in free will and a whole bunch of hard headedness and try to tell me that things happen because God wills it. I believe that God's will really doesn't add any sorrow to it. Doesn't mean it's not hard and doesn't mean that there isn't an enemy or odds to overcome and even outright opposition. When I have worked my will out there have been tremendous hurts and repercussions, even sorrow. But anyway, what I'm trying to say is that God isn't against work. He blesses (remember - cast your net on the OTHER side super fisher guys) but in order to receive it, there might be some work (there were so many fish their nets broke and they had to get other guys to come and help pull in the haul).
It has been a week of tremendous work and tremendous blessing. We have been praying for months for God to give us breakthrough - fruit we can hold in our hands and eat - not the proverbial "OH he has blessed us" and we talk in general terms, but breakthrough that changes our position, breakthrough that proves the old is gone and the new has come, breakthrough that says God has not forgotten us but in fact he has been waiting and working on our behalf for good. We've learned a lot on the way. Our boys have learned how to say "ridiculous favor" and pray against discouragement and know that business comes from God and so we talk to him about it. Lots we have learned. Hardship? Yes. Sorrow? Absolutely not. Some pretty rugged, honest, and unpretty prayers in the middle there. But we have relationship and at this point, an answer we like :) Doesn't always happen that way even though he is and always will be only good.
And the kids are cute, a wonderful challenge without multiple choice options for answers, alas they are not problems to be solved but people to be loved. Zamboni continues to grow and kick and move, one of the most exciting joys of my life, and my husband (and therefore our family) has seen God breakthrough (advance over the mountains toward us) on his behalf. And I am up late, and now he is home, and now we shall get back to work bringing in all those fish that are filling our net.
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