Less than a month before the calendar and all human calculations say that our baby will make an entrance into our 4 person family and make us a big 5 family. Exciting. Mysterious. What will life be like? How will this little person change us? How will this little person change the big brothers? What will sleep deprivation do to me? Or will this be the miraculous sleeping and quietly cooing baby? All we can do is wait..... in the meantime life is pretty normal (besides the fact that I have a multitude of doctor's appointments, go pee every 5 minutes day and night, lumber around in my beautiful rotundness, wear clothes that don't fit me, and get constantly distracted when little waves show up on my belly because someone is doing the "wax on, wax off" from the inside). The kids are hilarious, the budget is a challenge, my husband is ... well there isn't one word, but if I say "I absolutely love my life" would that help bridge the gap on the understanding? It's so different living life for more than one. Sure, in singleness I give my life away. I poured it out. The hours were ridiculous, my availability complete . .. but all the decisions centered around one person: me. If I was sad, well, I was sad. Go have a coffee and figure it out. Stay up late and watch a movie. Bake cookies. Play guitar. Whatever. Maybe some people at work would be effected, but no big deal. Now, if I cry, two little people cry (even if they don't know why) and a special man looks into my eyes and needs to know why. If I pout, everything goes awry because I am breakfast, lunch and supper and everything in between. I am dependent and depended on and it's about to, as a friend said "can you imagine, a month from now you'll be even busier then than you are now!"

There's lots that I like about pregnancy. Lots I don't like as well. But I wasn't prepared for how amazing it was going to be to feel this little person grow stronger inside, reach out (after kicking me in little intermittent bursts of uncontrolled muscular and nervous reactions) and turn, stretch, push, hiccup... it's the strangest, most special, weird, happy experience ever. I'm proud to say that my child has neither cried nor misbehaved or engaged in any kind of behavior that is in the least bit frustrating or demanding... and I have been pretty close to the perfect mom so far.. never forgotten my child anywhere, never failed to care for his/her needs.. I pretty much got it figured out... at least life in the tummy. But things are about to change. I'm sure there will be lots I won't like about life after birth.. the saggy tummy skin, sore and healing body, losing sleep.. etc etc.. but another person will have joined us... forever. And we get to love and know and care and grow together for the rest of our lives. And the baby will be so cute. I can't wait to stare into his/her eyes and watch for smiles. Oh Lord, help the big brothers not to be tooooo helpful and feed baby playdough or take baby for a walk while I'm not looking.. at least until the baby can walk.. We are going to have a great time with our new family.

Anyway, just wanted to reflect before d-day. It's fun to look back because there is no going back. So, off I go for a nap. As soon as I lay down, the baby will say his/her silent hello's and I'll be distracted again... beautiful.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Always love to read your blog, Sudes. :) I especially loved this one. I cannot wait for you all to meet this little one. Pregnancy is everything you said, and you put it so well. That first hold and look into your babies eyes will forever be engraved in your mind....priceless. Ohhhh, and the stories and love to come....all the 'bad' does not even compare to the AMAZING! Love you.
8:08 PM
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