Write a blog, hey. It's Monday night. I'm exhausted. Three kids. I think we're under the weather a bit here. Baby's not necessarily sleeping peacefully. She's a little needy for the comfort of momma and ... here I am. And there I was all last night. It's beautiful. Just what I asked for. So what is this bliss like? Unbelievable. I love deeper than I ever have, but at times it honestly seems like I show it less than ever before... I think I would be a wonderful mother of one. I could pay all the attention I wanted without distraction on one child. I wouldn't have to say, "wait.. wait please... I said WAIT.. I... SAID...ahhhhh!!!" you know how it goes. My judgementalism has incredibly decreased. Almost disappeared... at least when it comes to parenting. Oh my goodness. Is there anything more challenging in the world? Every kid, every stage, every day... it changes it changes it changes. And I beg for wisdom, insight, something... so I can figure out what to do. And then there's the moment where I'm reading a book and he snuggles in, where I'm holding him and he plays with my hair, or I'm feeding her and she grabs my hand and holds on with both of hers. That's it. I'd go through the humbling experience of having to repent to my kids day in and out (and don't think I'm exaggerating my need to repent to my kids.. I have never had my insides so exposed for being immature and hot tempered and selfish and ... I would go on but I don't think you'd believe me. But tis more true than I'm letting on here) for this chance to be a mom. Parenting is something we learn on the job. And boy do I ever have some learning to do. It's all adjusting. It's so beautiful. It's so painful. It's so.. .like I already said, humbling. Here... try this



i wake
day day day
after day
sleep some
wake some
time is nothing
we are together
rain
means two boys
will feel the pain of four walls
and i need
to create something
to keep their sanity
sun
means get out the wheels
and feel
the freedom for a while
and our little baby
is never far from me
ever
and being a wife means
there is a together
between us
and strength i could never be
by myself.

i used to ask
other people to do
the things
i didn't prefer
and now it's me -
dishes, laundry
getting up early

and i wouldn't trade it
not for anything
anyone could offer me
ever.

Something like that. It's everything. Life is full and bursting. Slowed right down to the speed of a two month old baby girl, 4 and 5 year old boys. And we are all learning.. learning everything from making our beds to how to love.

Comments

mdb said…
Thank you. It was just what I needed. How selfish is that?! I'm soooooo happy you know what this parenting stuff is in all its glory. Such a story.
11:53 AM
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