She's 10 month's old now. Last night I thought about waking her up just to hold her. You know when they are all cuddly and warm... they just squish into your arms... but I didn't. I knew if I waited long enough, she'd wake up and I'd get my chance. She did... around 1 am and oh was I happy to pick her up. The chances are getting fewer these days. It's on purpose and I'm very happy to regain my sleep, but I miss her. She must have a tooth coming in that's causing her grief because she's more than warm and pretty clingy. Tough to get stuff done (impossible?) but ... it won't last forever.
It won't. What does? I remember in high school a coach I barely knew, in passing said, "Yeah, well what do we know for sure?" and he looked at me like he expected a certain answer. I said, "I don't know" and he seemed surprised. I guess, private Christian school kid, he must have expected me to jump on the evangelistic opportunity and bridge the gap between what I knew for sure and needed everyone else to know.
Things are changing. Maybe this is what everyone says in their life time, and hopefully, it's true.. that is if it is a good thing. Hard to foretell which changes are good and which are not.. hard to tell much ("what do we know for sure")... Some things are changing and half of us think it's good and half think it's bad. Well, the half that notice. I feel excited and sad. I am not sure like I used to be, and I'm glad. The things I'm not sure of, when I was sure, made me rigid and judgmental. Now, I just don't know. Life is full of so many little moments that complicate themselves one after and upon another and then we end up here and we don't know. I once read a book called "Walking on Water" where Madelaine L'Engle decided to "believe something new every day." What a funny thing to say. Right now I wonder if belief is really a choice. Belief feels like something inside of me that already "IS" and if I lie to it, I will chain myself with compromise. There are some things which I would like to know, and yet I have read stories and heard from people who have had the crazy things happen to them, and they didn't CHOOSE to let these things change their lives the way they could have. Events are just events until we decide what we'll to with them, or let them do to us.
And the house is messy and I need to clean while I listen to someone on my ipod who can talk to that inside part of me that "IS" and help me sync it with the rest of everything.
It won't. What does? I remember in high school a coach I barely knew, in passing said, "Yeah, well what do we know for sure?" and he looked at me like he expected a certain answer. I said, "I don't know" and he seemed surprised. I guess, private Christian school kid, he must have expected me to jump on the evangelistic opportunity and bridge the gap between what I knew for sure and needed everyone else to know.
Things are changing. Maybe this is what everyone says in their life time, and hopefully, it's true.. that is if it is a good thing. Hard to foretell which changes are good and which are not.. hard to tell much ("what do we know for sure")... Some things are changing and half of us think it's good and half think it's bad. Well, the half that notice. I feel excited and sad. I am not sure like I used to be, and I'm glad. The things I'm not sure of, when I was sure, made me rigid and judgmental. Now, I just don't know. Life is full of so many little moments that complicate themselves one after and upon another and then we end up here and we don't know. I once read a book called "Walking on Water" where Madelaine L'Engle decided to "believe something new every day." What a funny thing to say. Right now I wonder if belief is really a choice. Belief feels like something inside of me that already "IS" and if I lie to it, I will chain myself with compromise. There are some things which I would like to know, and yet I have read stories and heard from people who have had the crazy things happen to them, and they didn't CHOOSE to let these things change their lives the way they could have. Events are just events until we decide what we'll to with them, or let them do to us.
And the house is messy and I need to clean while I listen to someone on my ipod who can talk to that inside part of me that "IS" and help me sync it with the rest of everything.
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