AN INTERVIEW WITH AUSTIN - PART 2 IN A SERIES ON ANXIETY

When I was growing up, I had a little buddy named Austin. He was super intense. It seems like his whole body would vibrate with intensity and he would pace back and forth when he talked. He talked non-stop about movies and agonized over whether he would take a role in a movie if the director required him to swear.  I thought he was so unique and honestly, awesome and hilarious. His mom would tell me stories about how he’d have meltdowns every day before school saying he “hated his stupid pants, and hated his stupid shoes” etc, and how he was terrified of kids with special needs. 

None of us knew anything about anxiety. When Austin was turning 9, I made him a birthday card that turned into a book - it was about a boy who lost his “nine”  on his birthday - only to realize, it was a dream and nothing to really fear.

Looking back and considering what I’m learning about anxiety, I find my story for Austin uncanny.  Unhealthy anxiety in kids is always based on a story the brain has made up, with a solution that doesn’t solve the problem but sort of satisfies the anxiety for while. I don’t know if anyone has ever worried about not getting their number on their birthday, but it just seemed to fit at the time. It was something Austin might do. 

Austin grew up and eventually started telling us that he was experiencing anxiety.

So I gave Austin, who is now 25 years old, a call and asked if we could talk. 

He was gracious and let me in on what he was experiencing as a kid. 

Austin said he’d get all worked up about small things, especially when it had to do with going out in public. He was hyper vigilant and scanned events for handicapped parking spots and whether or not they had large white vans parked in them or not. One day he spent, by choice, the entire hot summer day in the family car, refusing to go in and watch his siblings play volleyball, because he knew there was a boy with downs syndrome in the gym. 

When I asked Austin why he was scared of kids with special needs, he couldn’t tell me. Unpredictability? Maybe? 

He used to be scared of going to the wave pool and would put up a fuss. But once they got there, after about 10 minutes, he’d settle in. He’s not sure why either. Maybe it was loud? Just fear of not knowing. Uncertainty. 

This matches Neufeld’s opinion that when kids have some sort of separation alarm that they can’t name, their brain starts to make things up and they move into caution. Then, they are no longer facing their true problem, but facing and having to deal with the new problem: anxiety.

As an adult, Austin said the fear of special needs kids has disappeared but he can’t remember when or why. He still fears showing up in public spaces - his concern is having strangers watch him while he tries to figure out where his friends are, and he has missed out on a lot of opportunities because of these fears. There is something about walking into a public space and not knowing exactly who will greet him and where he will sit and how it will look and what will happen. But he’s learned to hold the 2 opposing emotions in his mind - fear of not knowing, and excitement around the event and being with friends - and he can work through it and choose courage. To deal with his anxiety, he often imagines walking into a place where he’s not sure what will happen - and imagines the worst thing that could happen - that people will look at him and point, or laugh, or notice he’s not with friends and Austin realizes that if that’s the worst thing that happens, it’s not so bad. That makes it easier to get out there. 

He says it’s easier to be spontaneous because he can dive in without thinking, where planning things sometimes gets his brain creating scenarios and he gets all worked up and has to bail. 

Austin attributes his growth away from anxiety, to listening to podcasts and hearing other people share their struggles - which helped him realize that he wasn’t the only one who struggled with fear of the unknown. He still loves movies and dreams of a career in the film industry and says that hearing directors and actors talk about their struggles has helped him realize that everyone is a real human, everyone has struggles, and pursuing his dreams, while it might be scary, is still possible. Austin uses movies, drives with a familiar song playlist mix or movie soundtracks, to put himself at ease. He’s been practicing grounding- where he chooses to stop and notice the things around him, he looks, naming them and smelling…being present. This  has also helped to lesson Austin’s anxiety. 

He admits it seems like people with anxiety are accused of “blaming their anxiety” or “use it as an excuse” to skip out, but there is a REASON they do it, he says. Anxiety can create a powerful overwhelming discomfort that it limits people’s options. 

Austin is still working through anxiety and fears, but it is something he’s aware of, which enables him to move toward adaptation and courage, instead of staying stuck in caution. 

READ AUSTIN'S STORY: 

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