It is February 27, 2007. My computer tells me so. And yet again I write from the downstairs of the house in Abbotsford. Canada. Yes. I remain in my home and native land. Here’s the condensed version: In order to work for Pastor Jim I need a US work visa. We decided to apply for a Religious Workers visa – the R1. As a Canadian I can apply for it while going through the border, provided I have the appropriate application and supporting documents. I have tried to do this three times. Each time I have been politely refused and given different reasons for this refusal. Oh that elusive R1 Visa. As we speak, my case is in the midst of a congressional appeal. The congresswoman in Pastor Jim’s riding in Spokane has agreed to appeal on our behalf. Port authorities and people in Washington, DC are considering my case. The outcome isn’t a free Visa (unless something quite strange occurs). This process is simply to clarify and lay out what it is that I specifically need to do in order to work for Lifeline in Spokane. So for all of you who have been asking and sort of trying to figure out what I’m doing – there it is. Please pray that we get straight answers, and then great favor so I can get through the border and make them so happy they could write a song about it. Some of you must wonder if I am discouraged or frustrated. Yes, I am. Sort of. Sometimes. I’ve had to ask myself, “what is God doing?” Sure there could be border demons, this could be an attack from the enemy and in a way it is. The enemy always brings discouragement and tries to engender unbelief to the point where we back off and quit (engender means “to cause something” or to “provoke, create, bring about, stimulate” I have never used it before but it came to mind and I thought we could all enrich our word-power).
Last week Pastor Jim was in Chilliwack with the MC’s, so I spent the week out there sitting under his teaching – hearing the message again - and trying to learn how to be helpful and work with him. At one point he talked about something he calls the “weightroom.” He draws this picture where we’re going from point A to point B and suddenly we find ourselves caught up in a muddle and all we knew doesn’t seem to matter, and we get tossed about.
We can’t just go from point to point in our lives without growth or maturity. In order to do what we’re called to do when we get to where we’re called to be, we need to let God do some stuff in us so that we’ve got the muscle when we get there. I see the whole thing like this – whether God set it up or Satan is being a thwarter doesn’t really matter. I am getting some spiritual muscle. Muscle is so necessary for me to do the things God has prepared for me – which at this point is to work for Lifeline and write this book and minister with Pastor Jim. “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
When I pray, I thank God that He cares enough about me to make sure that I have everything I need. He does not want me to be destroyed: “seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence” (2 Peter 1:13). He’s training me and introducing me to things about him that I’ve not yet known.
(hanging with the interns at ACA)It doesn’t take much to destroy a person. For some people, winning the lottery is enough (or rather too much). Britney Spears, lately headlined (poor accidental pun – for shaving her head) is this broken famous girl who makes all her mistakes in public – and has no answers, hope, or real home. She tried to be good at first but everything ate her up. Her and everyone else in Hollywood are in rehab. I’d call that destruction. Fame hurt them. High powered jobs with great salaries and vast time demands have swallowed up moms and dads. The lure of money made them compromise. And I’m just this girl. What makes me think I am untouchable? I’m actually pretty weak and emotional. I like to do what I want and what feels good when I feel like doing it. Follow that line of reasoning and see what happens. Oh, how about just a little bit of full scale destruction. It’s amazing to me how difficult it is to do what is right and good. Things like forgiving. They seem so little, but the absence of it leads to bitterness, isolation, hatred . . . even murder. How about believing instead of worrying. Trusting instead of arranging for my future. Submitting my thoughts to God. Humbling myself and loving people when I feel they should be nicer, speak nicer, be more complimentary. Less grouchy. Being grateful instead of frustrated or rude. Or how about hoping when my heart is already starting to feel sick. That’s where life is. Not on a stage or in a worship service. It’s right here in my heart, in my face, in my eyes.. my mind, my decisions. So God is helping me with my honesty and humility, growing in love, helping me with the look on my face and the feeling in my heart when things don’t go my way. He’s helping me. That is what I see all this as.
I do believe that eventually the border will open up and I’ll need to get across so I ask you to continue to pray for that with me. Until then, I’m writing the book. I’m building the website. I’m working with Pastor Jim. I’m being supernaturally added to and subtracted from in a kingdom of God kind of equation. Good times, good things. Good thing God is good.
And as I was so recently wished on email and found myself delighted by it . . .
Kindest regards,
Heidi
Check out the web site – www.lifeline-ministries.org
Myspace www.myspace.com/heidisuderman
and I will be blogging a little more so stay tuned.. eh.
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Jamie