MAKING SENSE OF ANXIETY - A COURSE by GORDON NEUFELD - PART 1 IN A SERIES ON ANXIETY

I went swimming the other day. I swim. Not well, but ever improving. Well, it was spring break. Even though it was only 7:30 am on a non-school spring break day, there were these two youngsters paddling back and forth in the fast lane. Anyway, so there I was with my hot goggles and my sweet old swimcap and adorable swimsuit looking all hardcore ready to swim. I stood in the lane and sort of looked at them for a bit. They just lolly-gagged back and forth with those little floatation devices. I jumped in and figured they’d get it pretty quick and get out of my way. I didn’t see them go past me, but I smelled them. I’ve never experienced that before. First him, then her. Two distinct perfume smells. Times like that I roll my eyes and try not to think about what other sweat particles, boogers, and whatever else lands in the water and I thank God for chlorine. What are kids doing up so early on a holiday anyway? Weird.

And do you know we are 21 days into the rain and if we go 6 more we break a record. Someone said that we won’t break the winter record, but the spring record. But then I said that didn’t make any sense because spring just started so it can’t be a spring record. We lost our chance for a winter record and now we can start a spring one. But there’s no carry over. You know, like some jobs you can’t stack up your sick days. If you don’t use em, you lose em. That’s what rain records should be like. Otherwise it’s just not fair.



Do you know that there is a web site you can go to that’s supposed to help you name your kid? Yeah. It finds names that rhyme so that your kid’s name can rhyme. Now that is weird.

Oh, so you might be wondering from whence doth I write? Abbotsford. Yes. That’s Canada. Although I bet back in the day when the pilgrims were just getting settled and maybe explorers were making their way into the west west west where we are, that maybe there were some that claimed our good area for Columbia. Why are we called British Columbia? That’s some kind of strange compromise. That’s what I think anyway. And then I just looked on Ask Jeeves and they said that “British Columbia: The only portion of North America that retains the name of the discoverer of the New World, with the exception of the District of Columbia” and so, that’s us. And then I looked up Columbus, but he was from Italy. We could have been called Italian Columbia. But we’re not. And he sailed from Spain. So maybe we could have been called Spanish Columbia. Oh those British going and getting their name on everything. You know, speaking of DC, everytime I see “Washington, DC” I have to think for a second because the first thing that comes to mind is “Das Capital” because DC IS the capital, but in my mind I say it like I'm German and I think of the name of the book Das Capital that written by Karl Marx, and he was a communist and criticized capitalism which is what America is, and so I think it is the world’s little communist pun against the capital of our friends the Americans that their capital is in a place called DC, the legal head of a nation of capitalism but it has communist pun potential. Or is that just what I think. Anyway. I’m still in non-spanish, non-italian apparently British Columbia, Canada. Waiting for word from DC the place not the book regarding what i need to do next in order to work down in the US of A for lifeline.

Wow. I think that EVERY TIME I hear or see “DC” in reference to our nearest neighbor’s capital. Funny huh. And I have to work through it to regain the real meaning. It never comes easy to me. It really is like ping pong balls in the brain, and I gotta open the hatch and talk it through.. Let those little bouncy orbs go free and stop bothering me.

And some people do drugs to get these kinds of conversations going with themselves. You can clearly see that I and drugs do not each other need. Perhaps I would become normal if I tried drugs. but i wont because that would be boring and they are expensive and sometimes you can die. And let's not even get started talking about addiction. I have a hard enough time with chocolate or plain or sugar. I don't even want to mess with drugs. There. Get all the kids out there to read this. It will maybe point them towards just being their happy weird selves instead of the option of the stoned out zombie everyone else is doing it I can't be tame gotta be the same lame kind of game. 4 rhymes. countem and celebrate. Happy. No drugs.


The truth is, I am mostly writing this blog for the people who say they read the blog and have been disappointed that I have not posted for a bit. So all this is simply a little look into my brain to amuse and to say “I HAVE NOT FORGOT YOU AND VALUE YOUR READERSHIP.” Often when it comes to blogs I think that something has to HAPPEN in order to write. And so since I’m still here in Canada and near the majority of my friends, well then, I have nothing to write because there is nothing and everyone knows everything. But alas. Forgive me because I presume. Thank you for your candor and requests that I be faithful to this my blog. You are wonderful readers because you are my friends and I do so wish to see you smile another day.

Ahem. Not that it is I who causes your smile. Might I just be a participant in your happiness. This is more than I could wish, but even so, I think it shall be. And it shall add to my pleasure too. There now. We are all happy. See what one evening of not watching TV can do for you? Or the Canucks. But they have been winning. I listen to them on the radio. Web cast. Get on the bandwagon now while you can.

Talk to you soon.
Many happy trails.