It’s Monday, and a rainy one at that. All grey. We’ve got the wood stove ticking away (yes it does tick as the cast iron heats up and expands ever so slightly). I just had a great rough week. High internal activity. There’s a line in “Freaky Friday” (I think) that cracks me up – where the mom drops her daughter off at school and says, “Make good choices!” Of course the daughter rolls her eyes. But imagine if that’s all we did – make good choices. Imagine if that’s even what we did 75% of the time.
Speaking of ticking as we were just a moment ago – I don’t understand what makes ME tick. We had an alumni basketball game this weekend. I wasn’t going to go. I had my reasons – I wasn’t really invited (officially, like with an invitation, but neither was anyone else), I didn’t know who else was going to be there . . . honestly I just didn’t think about it. The option was presented to me and I presented it with a firm “no” and planned to be out of town. But some teammates talked me into it – and so I went – grudgingly, not sure if I’d play. I brought a small bag along so it wouldn’t seem like I was too eager to play. When I arrived, I found my team. And I suddenly thought to myself, “I’m an idiot! I always whine about not being able to play ball with people who know and care and are GOOD, and here I am – even contemplating not taking this great opportunity?” Anyway, I played and I loved it. Won by 3 in overtime, I stepped on girl’s foot with one second on the clock after it was apparent we had won and I sprained my ankle. But whatever. I’m recuperating. I was able to score a vintage “Heidi” lay-up in traffic all awkward and unsupposed to be, couple double pumps or fakes in the face and one vintage fast break through people bounce passes to my post who finished up nicely, netting two points on the board and lots of happiness in my heart. And everything in the world was as it was supposed to be.
But why did I say “no” right away? How many great things do I shut down and just never think of? I know we live in the land of too many opportunities, but I wish I knew what made me tick so I could combat myself and enjoy more of life’s goodies. I think I know it’s fear - I didn’t want to lose, I didn’t want to feel old and useless and out of shape, I didn’t want to be the only there who thought I should be there, what if I played terrible or lost my temper or tore another ACL. What if? Choices. Sometimes we don’t even know that we’re choosing, but we are. In spite of ourselves. I think I’m going to practice saying, “Now that sounds like an interesting prospect. Let me consider it…” before I let loose with a canon load full of “no’s” and miss the rest of my life.
Speaking of ticking as we were just a moment ago – I don’t understand what makes ME tick. We had an alumni basketball game this weekend. I wasn’t going to go. I had my reasons – I wasn’t really invited (officially, like with an invitation, but neither was anyone else), I didn’t know who else was going to be there . . . honestly I just didn’t think about it. The option was presented to me and I presented it with a firm “no” and planned to be out of town. But some teammates talked me into it – and so I went – grudgingly, not sure if I’d play. I brought a small bag along so it wouldn’t seem like I was too eager to play. When I arrived, I found my team. And I suddenly thought to myself, “I’m an idiot! I always whine about not being able to play ball with people who know and care and are GOOD, and here I am – even contemplating not taking this great opportunity?” Anyway, I played and I loved it. Won by 3 in overtime, I stepped on girl’s foot with one second on the clock after it was apparent we had won and I sprained my ankle. But whatever. I’m recuperating. I was able to score a vintage “Heidi” lay-up in traffic all awkward and unsupposed to be, couple double pumps or fakes in the face and one vintage fast break through people bounce passes to my post who finished up nicely, netting two points on the board and lots of happiness in my heart. And everything in the world was as it was supposed to be. But why did I say “no” right away? How many great things do I shut down and just never think of? I know we live in the land of too many opportunities, but I wish I knew what made me tick so I could combat myself and enjoy more of life’s goodies. I think I know it’s fear - I didn’t want to lose, I didn’t want to feel old and useless and out of shape, I didn’t want to be the only there who thought I should be there, what if I played terrible or lost my temper or tore another ACL. What if? Choices. Sometimes we don’t even know that we’re choosing, but we are. In spite of ourselves. I think I’m going to practice saying, “Now that sounds like an interesting prospect. Let me consider it…” before I let loose with a canon load full of “no’s” and miss the rest of my life.
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