I figured something out today. I saw this lady with a ring on her finger with a man without a ring on his finger. You know what I mean. I hear stories of hairdressers having to organize their bookings around ensuring certain people don't get overlapping appointments... and coffee shop people who observe marital unfaithfulness unfold before their eyes- he comes in with two different women, just on different days.. but he treats them both the same.. So I was thinking as i watched (and then quickly looked away) as the ring and the un-ring stood in line to order their drinks and semi-made out.. If there is such a thing. I was thinking - how the heck do some people find a way to trick TWO people into loving them, when some of us can't even trick one person into it. And there it is. I figured it out. You can't trick someone into love. Because then it's not love. It's a lie. Why would anyone trade a real chance at love for a lie? So maybe this lady has two men. One knows she's a cheater, and the husband ... maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. How is that fulfilling? How can she be anything but sad? I want to talk to her but I bet her head is so filled with lies that even she has no idea how she feels or why or what she is doing.
I wish people wouldn't cheat on each other. I wish that marriage was valued. I wish that weddings weren't the new party to celebrate your latest catch... until the next break-up, but don't worry, you'll have another party and get to wear white again with the new guy. I'm not against second chances, and I understand we all make mistakes. But back to my question. Why would anyone trade love for a lie? Because it's hard work? Because you have to be real? Because it wasn't love in the first place? Please tell me... Ah!! I was thinking about youth groups in churches. Some it's a major dating scene. I was thinking of our kids and had a moment of pride. They're not perfect, but they're not super dating, trading boyfriends, all that ridiculous highschool drama. Look at the ridiculous practice for divorce they are missing out on. Imagine if we had a revolution. A revolution where kids felt secure and they didn't need to create drama, didn't need to get some guys hands all over them to feel like they were the object of someone's attention. Imagine if husbands and wives made hard choices and chose to love instead of leave. I have no idea how hard it is. But imagine if people didn't marry for any reason other than love, the kind that has practiced and can honestly promise "I will be patient with you, I will be kind to you, I will not be easily angered, I will keep no record of your wrongs... This love is about me giving my life - sacrificing. I'm not looking for you to fulfill the emptiness in my heart because I know that no human can do that." That kind of love. Imagine it. Then affairs would look like garbage instead of this crazy opportunity for what we might be missing out on. I know we're all broken in different ways. But we trade so much truth for lies then hold them out as something so great. I know I know I know. I'm a jerk and I barely even have friends that I serve, friends that I love in the truest sense of the word. I need to be a better practicer of love. Imagine living with someone and seeing all their faults and not keeping track of wrongs. But some people do.
Sometimes I see people, both with rings on that finger, standing in line to get their drinks. And they don't even look at each other let alone hold hands or have any sort of "togetherness" as they stand there. They're aloof. They sit down and talk on their cell phones. I want to go over to their table and yell at them and say "YOU COULD HAVE SOMETHING HERE BUT YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING TO HELP YOURSELVES! DON'T MISS YOUR CHANCE!" only I know that wouldn't help, so I pray, "Please help them to look at each other, to remember what they used to like about each other, to remember why they were enamored, attracted, why they decided they couldn't live the rest of their lives without this person by their side."
Relationships have been so perverted. There must be something so incredible about loving and being loved, but our vision is obscured because ... I don't know. Why? Why do so few learn how to love? Why do so few learn to love, and then only love so few? Why isn't it like riding a bike? Or is it? How can you love some people and not others? Is it really love then?
I want to learn. Especially because he says "Love me. Love them. And you'll have been and done everything there is to be and do."
I wish people wouldn't cheat on each other. I wish that marriage was valued. I wish that weddings weren't the new party to celebrate your latest catch... until the next break-up, but don't worry, you'll have another party and get to wear white again with the new guy. I'm not against second chances, and I understand we all make mistakes. But back to my question. Why would anyone trade love for a lie? Because it's hard work? Because you have to be real? Because it wasn't love in the first place? Please tell me... Ah!! I was thinking about youth groups in churches. Some it's a major dating scene. I was thinking of our kids and had a moment of pride. They're not perfect, but they're not super dating, trading boyfriends, all that ridiculous highschool drama. Look at the ridiculous practice for divorce they are missing out on. Imagine if we had a revolution. A revolution where kids felt secure and they didn't need to create drama, didn't need to get some guys hands all over them to feel like they were the object of someone's attention. Imagine if husbands and wives made hard choices and chose to love instead of leave. I have no idea how hard it is. But imagine if people didn't marry for any reason other than love, the kind that has practiced and can honestly promise "I will be patient with you, I will be kind to you, I will not be easily angered, I will keep no record of your wrongs... This love is about me giving my life - sacrificing. I'm not looking for you to fulfill the emptiness in my heart because I know that no human can do that." That kind of love. Imagine it. Then affairs would look like garbage instead of this crazy opportunity for what we might be missing out on. I know we're all broken in different ways. But we trade so much truth for lies then hold them out as something so great. I know I know I know. I'm a jerk and I barely even have friends that I serve, friends that I love in the truest sense of the word. I need to be a better practicer of love. Imagine living with someone and seeing all their faults and not keeping track of wrongs. But some people do.
Sometimes I see people, both with rings on that finger, standing in line to get their drinks. And they don't even look at each other let alone hold hands or have any sort of "togetherness" as they stand there. They're aloof. They sit down and talk on their cell phones. I want to go over to their table and yell at them and say "YOU COULD HAVE SOMETHING HERE BUT YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING TO HELP YOURSELVES! DON'T MISS YOUR CHANCE!" only I know that wouldn't help, so I pray, "Please help them to look at each other, to remember what they used to like about each other, to remember why they were enamored, attracted, why they decided they couldn't live the rest of their lives without this person by their side."
Relationships have been so perverted. There must be something so incredible about loving and being loved, but our vision is obscured because ... I don't know. Why? Why do so few learn how to love? Why do so few learn to love, and then only love so few? Why isn't it like riding a bike? Or is it? How can you love some people and not others? Is it really love then?
I want to learn. Especially because he says "Love me. Love them. And you'll have been and done everything there is to be and do."
Comments
I think that people trade in love for the lie because they don't believe in it anymore, for those who've been hurt, or because it's easier (short term) to lie (for those who are lazy. Most people that I know are a bit of both.
And, as much as I dislike it - there's also the crazy dysfunction catch 22 that snags most of us up before we've even got our eyes open.
More and more I see in my own life that love is plain old real life, and people don't want to hear that - so they go for the exciting illicit affairs because thats what OUR SOCIETY TELLS US is the right feeling. We are crazy, lazy, scared animals.
My Darling, do not be alarmed, but we may be surrounded by wild artists...
PS the bathing suit makes you look majorly... uh... oceanic. Maybe you should get a new one. Like one in blue, so you would blend into the water (or the whole pool).
(SIGH) Actually, its me that needs a new one. I look like one of those 3 layer toys for kids where you can mix and match heads, bodies & legs... You know?
Girl head, whale body, 60 year old legs.