Sometimes I live with the realization that God is clearly present and strong. Sometimes I don't. What do I on those days when I don't feel anything - is crucial. tantamount. important. enormously significant. come on... what other words are out there waiting to be used? It's so important that I continue to do just what I've always been doing - even though I feel dumb and am completely reluctant to answer anyone's questions about what I believe or think or feel. Sometimes I forget that what I'm doing isn't the main thing. I been really frustrated in a few instances recently. People weren't doing what I expected them to do. So I was snappy in one case(music), and in the other (basketball) I... hit the fence and said a few Christian style bad words. Flip. Heck. You know. As in, "what the flippin' heck." And then of course said something sassy. But then I realized, as I caught my breath, that the point of me playing sports wasn't to score points, but to be with people and to love them. So this guy that fouled me and I freaked out... well, who wins then? I'm an idiot. He feels stupid. My team got the ball back, but so what. Is the game happy? Games don't exist. We do. Love. Love. Love. Love. It changes the way I look at everything. It changes what I pursue, how I treat the things I'm scared of, people I'm mad at, situations I'm frustrated about... the way I spend my time. The other day I got really scared about the future. It was one of those days when the realization of Him was non-existent. I decided to stop thinking (if that's possible). All my brain wanted to do was worry and rehearse all the terrible possibilities based on the emptiness in those places where God has not yet come through. Hope's a killer sometimes. Love also changes me when I realize that this is God's disposition (is that the right word) toward me. He loves me. What can you do, but wait with smile when those are the facts? Well, I try.

Comments

jasonrgoode said…
Two quotes that may or may not be relevant:

To be a witness
does not consist
in engaging in propaganda,
nor even in stirring people up,
but in being a living mystery.

It means to live
in such a way
that one’s life
would not make sense

if God did not exist.

~Emmanuel Célestin Cardinal Suhard (April 5, 1874—May 30, 1949)

-----


Those who believe they believe in God,
but without passion in the heart,
without anguish of mind,
without uncertainty,
without doubt,
and even at times without despair,
believe only in the idea of God,
and not in God himself.

~Miguel de Unamuno y Jugo

Take care,

~JasonG
12:42 PM
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