Heidi G karlsson

I um yeah. Some things are too precious, too long fought for, too close to my heart to say. I just want to hold them inside and smile - amazed at my own reality. I have almost hated hope for most of my life because it hurt me to think about it. Yes, a little intense am I. Before worship practice, some of us were talking. This one guy talked about the difference between trust and faith in God. Sometimes we believe for something (faith) and it doesn't happen. That's when we find out where our trust is. When we're not sure what to believe, we can always trust him. I think it will always be hard for me to hope, but the fact of the matter is that God is trustworthy. I don't think there is any way around the pain. Promises are beautiful: delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Promises are painful: hope deferred makes the heart sick. Right now I am witnessing a resolute heart like I've never seen before. It's incredible to see. I t...

I am not used to this. Love is an always and no matter what comes kind of thing, so when does it start, why and how, and who decides? So strange how God made me to get so bent out of shape because some other imperfect, full-of-flaws, full-of-His-glory-person looks my way and stops. And in all this I continue to hear stories of mistakes, real people who promised with honest intentions to love with a covenant, yet are messing up dangerously. Painfully. I wish my failures would only ever and always just affect me, but the only way to ensure that is to only ever love myself and no one else.. If I make life about me and let no one else in... chances are good no one will be close enough to feel pain when I stumble. But the more people I love, the more deeply I love, the more that they will pay if I stray. O God. I know mercy, humility, honesty and forgiveness . . . that's all that has preserved me. It's sobering. And in all this, He promises to never leave us, never forsake us. Ther...

It's something when who you are is blessed isn't it. It seems like this intangible thing that you can't create or ask for.. You don't die if it's not there. In fact, it's not even necessary to build a relationship on.. it just "IS." Some people just know, while others can be told and still don't seem to be able to connect. I wonder if that's not such a bad thing.. otherwise we'd all want to be best friends with everyone else on the whole planet and we'd just talk and play all day and never get any work done. Nah. Kidding. Maybe it's special because it's rare. Anyway, you know when there's this one thing about you, and it's not good or bad, it's just not something a lot of people care about or share with you? It's not like they demean it, they just forget and never bring it up. But it's there and it's part of you. If they were deliberate, even though the intentions are there, it's awkward and incomple...

Late night thoughts time still ticks for me waits while we discuss the merits of not being in a hurry. still surprised my heart tries to catch up while i request a summary just to be completely sure. yes. still there. i stare. dreams appear like reality until the hidden seam faintly showing in between night and day is unraveled gently and dawn starts to chase black away to colors of gray rub my eyes with double fisted tries and decide trust is all that lies inside to sustain and the wait is what can make something good something great

Hard to believe. I believe and then I see, and become completely confused. I think God really gets a kick out of us. It's so strange being human and so limited, and yet insisting on believing in God, and believing God and all the limitlessness of things He promises. We, the limited ones become unlimited but we're just not sure how and where and what and when it all works. So we have everything we need for life and godliness, but it doesn't come by magic and it's not automatic and it's not a one time get yer holiness packet and never come back for more cause you have no need and you're all good.. It's just real and mysterious and hidden and heartbreaking and humbling.. even discouraging. All those "take heart" verses are so interesting... "because I have overcome the world." We will have trouble. We can optimistically say that things will definitely be terrible from time to time. Yay! But we can also be sure that God is unchanging in His ...