Outside on the swinging couch. Whatever you call it. Facing the sunset. PJ's on already. So tired. So happy. So busy. Who knew this would ever happen. 16 more days and I'll be a Mrs. The ring sparkles. I almost went through a red light the other day staring at it. Woops. Days are spent doing little things. I am not primarily a little thing doer, but do I am and things are getting done. Journal entries and blogs are not really priorities anymore. Little voices distract me. Two in particular. Mommy is a great thing to hear, but when it comes in that shrill and demanding variety.. I know we're in for something... something great. We will all grow won't we. And there is a certain phone number that only twice have I seen and dismissed, and only then because there was no absolute way I could do anything about it. Every other time... I have dropped everything else. Hi friends. I have dropped everything else. I wonder if you realize (I suppose you must have) how difficult it is to change and stay the same, as well as add a two year old and a three year old to that. I miss my friends. (a yucky waft of something has just assaulted me here in my back yard - someone is cooking sea-food.. gross. smells like seaweed. should be a law against that). I always imagined that in dating there would be this carefree gallivanting and meeting of all the friends and so much getting to know your friends and mine, and then all those dates of course. And there has been some of that, but mostly I've learned, between nap times and poopy diapers and 8 o'clock bed times, "don't hit your brother" and "yes! come help me wash the dishes it will be fun" that.. what have I learned? I've been so caught up and busy. Thinking about the existence of friends, faithful friends, comforts me. Calling them isn't often an option. So hello. Please move forward with me and don't be too sad. I have changed, but I am still the same me. I love deeply and there is loyalty. It will just take a little longer before I remember and the letters in the mail will be less frequent or .. covered with scribbles and words that have never been invented yet. But there will be beach days, nap times, play dates... BBQ's. And we'll become one but we'll still be two, and as ever, I will need ... my friends.(sorry. I won't do facebook. That makes me feel way too much pressure.. just being honest).. Anyway. Things have changed. I hope we do too.
I live on a hill, in the most beautiful area I have ever seen. Yes, there are roads carved into it and houses stacked up right next to each other... but then there are trees. Mountains. Hills. Sunsets. I am so tired my legs are buzzing. My house is silent, except for my fingers tapping on the keys of my mac. My brain is aware of .. I don't know how many things. My friend who just texted me, a new friend whose email I just read, the pile of Christmas cake on the counter that I hate, but ate a little of because there was nothing else, and my voice - which is so tired. . . and I wonder if I was mean tonight and yelled too much - but what do you do to people who are goofing around. I want to be everyone's friend... Tired. Peace. Jesus. I am alone. I'm surrounded. I make decisions constantly. I wish I had chocolate cake here. I'm glad I don't. If you were me, what one thing would you change?
Comments
i know what you mean about blogging with your head, not your heart. writing requires thinking, not feeling, for me anyway.
Well i look forward to reading your thoughts and hearing all about your new life as a wife a mummy :)