Capacity.
It's a word I've been thinking about lately. A couple of years ago a friend and I were training for a triathlon. Neither of us were strong swimmers so we decided to take lessons. One of the exercises we had to do was see how long we could swim along the bottom of the pool before surfacing.. to expand our breathing capacity. At first we barely made it half way across the pool. We panicked, thrashed, and emerged spitting water ungloriously and feeling like failures... as if we could ever make it all the way across the dumb pool. We hated practicing it because it was scary. When you run out of oxygen, or THINK you have, you panic. But then we learned a few tricks, practiced a few more things and eventually could complete a whole length. It was amazing. Nothing changed on the outside, but something inside grew - physical lung capacity as well as mental capacity to stay calm and remain under the water while pushing to the end:).
My capacity for being a mom has increased. I used to be exhausted every day. I could barely think about baking things, calling people, or sweeping the kitchen floor, etc, etc. It was all I could do to get up, get breakfast and get the kids into the bath. Then, in the afternoon, oh my goodness, if I didn't have my nap while the kids had theirs... I would be mean to everyone all evening and wonder why they were all doing everything wrong. I would long for sleep during church and be angry if we had people over or went out for lunch after because I WAS TIRED! Now, from time to time I call people, the other day the kids and I washed the floor, vacuumed and cleaned windows and mirrors. All in one day. We also baked cookies. I called some friends. . . and talked to them. Right now the kids are playing playdough at the table and I'm obviously blogging, while boiling beans on the stove, doing laundry, and ripping 365 kids songs from a CD pack someone gave us onto my laptop so I can put it on the ipod and play it on our big fat sound system. Noah can't wait for "my God is so Big" to play. They're amazed when the radio knows songs that I taught them. And I'm pregnant. I know. Come on capacity for all things motherly. Grow! Grow! Grow!
It's amazing how we can be in something that is clearly too great to handle, but if we stay in it, over time, something changes. Or, rather, many small things change. Many small things become automatic (I just do dishes 3 times a day.. I don't even notice anymore). I am so grateful for this. That's why some mom's are like professionals. Things are clean, kids are engaged, happy and busy. Their capacity and competency to do things without being overwhelmed is huge.
So if you're in something and it seems like too much, don't quit. Just wait a bit and you will find that you will expand in invisible parts of your insides and what you couldn't handle before becomes just part of what you do and you'll be able to take on more. It would have been foolish for me to deny my need for naps at the beginning. It would have been foolish to make a chore chart and felt like a failure every time I didn't buff the cupboard door handles, keep my hands manicured while writing children's books and creating beautiful paintings and staying perfectly fit. That would have been dumb. I did what I could, and now I can do more. I grew inside and nobody knew... but me. And things got easier and more fun. It's neat. I like it. The only secret is in the meantime, you have to make sure you're doing things you can't do.
It's a word I've been thinking about lately. A couple of years ago a friend and I were training for a triathlon. Neither of us were strong swimmers so we decided to take lessons. One of the exercises we had to do was see how long we could swim along the bottom of the pool before surfacing.. to expand our breathing capacity. At first we barely made it half way across the pool. We panicked, thrashed, and emerged spitting water ungloriously and feeling like failures... as if we could ever make it all the way across the dumb pool. We hated practicing it because it was scary. When you run out of oxygen, or THINK you have, you panic. But then we learned a few tricks, practiced a few more things and eventually could complete a whole length. It was amazing. Nothing changed on the outside, but something inside grew - physical lung capacity as well as mental capacity to stay calm and remain under the water while pushing to the end:).
My capacity for being a mom has increased. I used to be exhausted every day. I could barely think about baking things, calling people, or sweeping the kitchen floor, etc, etc. It was all I could do to get up, get breakfast and get the kids into the bath. Then, in the afternoon, oh my goodness, if I didn't have my nap while the kids had theirs... I would be mean to everyone all evening and wonder why they were all doing everything wrong. I would long for sleep during church and be angry if we had people over or went out for lunch after because I WAS TIRED! Now, from time to time I call people, the other day the kids and I washed the floor, vacuumed and cleaned windows and mirrors. All in one day. We also baked cookies. I called some friends. . . and talked to them. Right now the kids are playing playdough at the table and I'm obviously blogging, while boiling beans on the stove, doing laundry, and ripping 365 kids songs from a CD pack someone gave us onto my laptop so I can put it on the ipod and play it on our big fat sound system. Noah can't wait for "my God is so Big" to play. They're amazed when the radio knows songs that I taught them. And I'm pregnant. I know. Come on capacity for all things motherly. Grow! Grow! Grow!
It's amazing how we can be in something that is clearly too great to handle, but if we stay in it, over time, something changes. Or, rather, many small things change. Many small things become automatic (I just do dishes 3 times a day.. I don't even notice anymore). I am so grateful for this. That's why some mom's are like professionals. Things are clean, kids are engaged, happy and busy. Their capacity and competency to do things without being overwhelmed is huge.
So if you're in something and it seems like too much, don't quit. Just wait a bit and you will find that you will expand in invisible parts of your insides and what you couldn't handle before becomes just part of what you do and you'll be able to take on more. It would have been foolish for me to deny my need for naps at the beginning. It would have been foolish to make a chore chart and felt like a failure every time I didn't buff the cupboard door handles, keep my hands manicured while writing children's books and creating beautiful paintings and staying perfectly fit. That would have been dumb. I did what I could, and now I can do more. I grew inside and nobody knew... but me. And things got easier and more fun. It's neat. I like it. The only secret is in the meantime, you have to make sure you're doing things you can't do.
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