I want to write something... anything. Deep and profound doesn't really fit my lifestyle these days.. Simple and wise would be enough. Zoe lies on the floor staring and talking to these little characters suspended from this arched baby toy hangy thing. She is really talking to them. She rolls around, talking, batting at them, and just generally enjoying herself. The boys are having a nap. Well, one is. The other is having his second "I gotta go potty" break. It was supposed to be an urgent poop but apparently "it didn't want to come out." Back in bed is he. And I, well, lunch leftovers are still on the table and counter. Laundry (that my husband folded) sits on the coffee table (I can't put it away while the boys sleep). Zoe is still rolling, spitting and batting. Life is wonderful. This whole "well lived in" home atmosphere gets to me though. A friend told me the quickest way to a clean house is to lower your standards. HA! You lower your standards one and it's liable to happen again. Then what?

I am desperate for wisdom. At times I vow to PVR the nanny show because apparently she knows how to get kids to become compliant little whippersnappers.. if that's what we want. (Zoe is devouring her Baxter bear currently.. half happy half complaining. I might have 4 minutes and times up. I'll need to give her my fullest attention). But does the nanny have kids of her own? Sometimes I get my guys to obey but I know I lost their hearts in the process. This is not the parent I want to be. How to have their hearts? I remember loving and wanting to please certain people, and others whose heart of mine they did not have, well, I spent time figuring out how lead my peers in a legal rebellion against such leadership.

Well, the boys are quiet and Zoe is doing her pre-nap speech and I with her must to the pillow fall. Today I found her in her crib playing, out and away from her blankets, perpendicular to where I last left her lying so peacefully for her nap. How she grows. How precious each day really is. What an honour to be a parent. How to have their hearts... how..

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Shiloh*~ said…
I love your writing, Heidi!
And I love you!
11:39 AM
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