Mom. Yes. this is my mom. Doesn't it look serene? Life can look so easy in pictures. And some times it is. I am stealing time right now... I am a mom. Incredibly, my children all nap in the afternoons. I am trying to co-ordinate the sleepage so as to have some time to myself. Sometimes I nap, sometimes I clean, but today... I write. Back to the mom stuff. It's the hardest job in the world. Well, I'm sure you could find something tougher if you wanted but this isn't a democracy where you get to vote and state your opinions.. it's a blog and I have the choke hold of power on this one :) I don't know if mom-love is possible to explain. I had no idea what it was until I became one, and that kind of makes me mad... I am frustrated for myself, having grown up all these years and not being able to realize, have the capacity to realize how much I was loved. The same for my kids. They get envelopes every morning (if they behave the night before) that are filled with different treats or love notes or coupons for fun things... Lots of days I find them on the floor and in a pile of self pity, often throw them in the garbage and say to myself, "you treat my love so casually.. you.. little... kids." But I think that's what we do because it is what we have the capacity for. These little people in my house have NO IDEA how important they are.. and maybe they'll never know. I wonder what to do with that. I'm 34 (I think) and I'm just starting to realize how much my mom and dad love me, and it's not just cause I'm getting older, it's also because my husband grew up without this kind of love and his reaction to them loving him is opening my eyes to how great a thing this is. Love love love. I'm writing a song about it. Well, I penned some words on some scrap somewhere.. or no, I think I started a file on my computer somewhere.

It was supposed to Thunder today. The sun is shining. We met friends at the park. We sort of played with them. It was our first time. A certain son of my poured bubble mixture (not belonging to him) on the ground. I watched a stranger's daughter fall into a fit of hysterics (really.. throwing bark-mulch and screaming and crying because someone poured her bottle of bubble potion onto the ground. An old man with is dog stopped to talk to us. Old people can be so special in how they treat us. I love watching them interact with my kids, who have so many questions: why do you have a cane, why did you stand on this side of the sidewalk like that, can I pet your dog, why not. The other day, an old guy at the bus stop let Adam play with his bus pass or something that was on a string with a spring - you'd pull it out and it would zip back. There was this old guy, there was Adam: pull, zip.. pull, zip.. pull, zip. Funny. I went for an exercise walk today: "Mom, where are we going?" .. "No where".. "Why".. "Because I want exercise and when I go on walks with you, you're too slow." "Can we stop?" "No."

They are about to wake up. I need to take care of some business first. God bless naps.

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