And somewhere in there... something ... changed.. very, very subtly. Today I need to change, because yesterday I realized that I had developed quite a bad attitude towards my kids. Terrible, I know. I have been apologizing to them when I feel I have not been fair, or have been rude..etc, but I have not been changing. The thing that did it was this mom at the grocery store. She was letting her son push the buttons on the self check out, which is a cool mom thing to do, but her attitude toward him was awful. Reminded me of someone I knew.. someone I saw in the mirror the other day. I could blame many different things - perhaps first and foremost would be sleep deprivation or perhaps, familiarity. Anyway, my guys just woke up from their nap (a little too soon and they're both quite... neeeedy) so I gotta run. But they will see in my face and voice - love.. even when they're being ridiculous. .. well, I will turn my heart that way anyway.
I live on a hill, in the most beautiful area I have ever seen. Yes, there are roads carved into it and houses stacked up right next to each other... but then there are trees. Mountains. Hills. Sunsets. I am so tired my legs are buzzing. My house is silent, except for my fingers tapping on the keys of my mac. My brain is aware of .. I don't know how many things. My friend who just texted me, a new friend whose email I just read, the pile of Christmas cake on the counter that I hate, but ate a little of because there was nothing else, and my voice - which is so tired. . . and I wonder if I was mean tonight and yelled too much - but what do you do to people who are goofing around. I want to be everyone's friend... Tired. Peace. Jesus. I am alone. I'm surrounded. I make decisions constantly. I wish I had chocolate cake here. I'm glad I don't. If you were me, what one thing would you change?
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