Happiness comes from lowering my standards?
A while ago, like a few years, someone told me the quickest way to happiness was to lower my standards. And she laughed and I laughed. And I probably blogged about it. But it made me really mad. The problem (or the wonderful thing, depending) with me is that I am an idealist. I have great expectations. Expectations, now there is another topic. However, to stick with one thought, we are talking about happiness and standards. Specifically we were talking about having a clean house. I was frustrated with how my home was always messy. I wanted a clean house that I could feel happy in. There is a lot of motherly sentiment about messy house, happy kids... and women, whose children are grown, saying things like, if there was one thing I would do again, I wouldn't worry so much about the messy house.
Baloney. That's not my house by the way.
She says that because her kids are grown and she would give anything to go back in time and enjoy them in that special way that they are as they are kids.. growing..
And this whole lowering your standards - yes and no.
Yes: sometimes you just can't get to stuff and yes, of course, people are more important than things. Messes. People first. Yes, yes, yes. And yes, time passes so quickly and so do these cute stages where they do these amazing things for a week or two and then it gets old and they move on to something else. Right now Zoe's tummy hurts because she is having a baby. She is 3 and very serious. She walks around holding her belly. I keep telling her to go to the bathroom, but she's not going for it. There's a baby in there after all. The boys don't do half as many cute things as they used to. I miss it.
But can I tell you something? My house is clean right now. And Ohhhhh.... IT MAKES ME HAPPY! And I love my kids. I also have MORE TIME TO SPEND WITH MY KIDS. I'm It's not always this way, but I tell you for sure, I am happier spending time with my family in a clean environment that I am quite proud of. So, lower the standards? No!
Ever since my baptism by fire becoming a wife and mom all in one happened, I discovered I wasn't a very good house keeper. I'm creative, I love to be in the moment, and I adore my kids... I would WAY rather play with them than clear the table, WAY rather hold them and read to them than do the laundry. I just want to be with them. But they make messes. And so do I. Some people have clean houses. Other people don't. And there are a bunch in between. Oh yes, and then there are hoarders and other such developments on the opposite of the spectrum like the obsessive compulsive cleaners. I was in the middle there somewhere. And I noticed something - people have systems in their homes. The better systems people have, the cleaner and neater their homes are. I didn't have a system. AT ALL.
So I've read a few books in between the time of the talk about lowering my standards and the cleanish house I write in today.
First I read The Compound Effect. I learned that it's worth it to make small changes. .. like reading a new book every month on a new topic you want to learn about, or making your bed, or.. going for a walk every day. So I did. I've also been working though The Storyline workbook where I work through my history and my priorities. I let some things go and got proactive in my own life by being aware of the choices I'm making. I discovered this lady who was a lot like me. Hard working, creative, busy... and full of good intentions, but the kids would always say, "who's coming over??" whenever she cleaned her house. She wrote a book called "The House that Cleans Itself." I love it. She has a lot of ideas, but mostly what I learned, is that I need a system, and if I am not a natural cleaner-house organizer-lady, I need to read and learn how to do it.
And finally, I have been reading this blog. It's by this guy who has a wife and kids and realized his stuff was getting in the way of him enjoying life and his family. So he became a minimalist. Rational minimalist if you must know.. he writes about things like clutter. And his ideas are great. I suppose you might wake up every morning with a wonderful master plan for your life, but I don't. I need help.
When I try to make changes in my life, I act like things really can be changed in a day. But.. they don't usually. I've been married for 5 years, and only now, am I starting to feel like I have a level of competency in caring for my home. I haven't even started to talk about grocery shopping and meal planning. Or fitness. Or homeschooling. Or my pursing God. Just don't be discouraged if you can't do something, and especially don't sweat it if everyone who seems to know better tells you that this is just the way it is. It's not. You can't necessarily be and do everything you imagine for a moment you might want to do or be. But if something IS important to you, there is a way. You just have to be patient and find it. Or actually, learn and grow into it. I didn't have the capacity to do everything I do now. Someone could have given me the info and it would have hurt rather than helped me five years ago.
The next time someone tells you to lower your standards because you want something they don't think you can have, don't let it get to you. Keep your eye on what you want and look for your people - people you might never meet but who are doing something can't or know something you don't. Engage in the process. Let time and good choices take their toll..
I'm not saying you can have it all. But if something really matters to you, go after it.
I love my kids more than the whole world, and my in-the-process-of-decluttering-house makes me happy.
Baloney. That's not my house by the way.
She says that because her kids are grown and she would give anything to go back in time and enjoy them in that special way that they are as they are kids.. growing..
And this whole lowering your standards - yes and no.
Yes: sometimes you just can't get to stuff and yes, of course, people are more important than things. Messes. People first. Yes, yes, yes. And yes, time passes so quickly and so do these cute stages where they do these amazing things for a week or two and then it gets old and they move on to something else. Right now Zoe's tummy hurts because she is having a baby. She is 3 and very serious. She walks around holding her belly. I keep telling her to go to the bathroom, but she's not going for it. There's a baby in there after all. The boys don't do half as many cute things as they used to. I miss it.
But can I tell you something? My house is clean right now. And Ohhhhh.... IT MAKES ME HAPPY! And I love my kids. I also have MORE TIME TO SPEND WITH MY KIDS. I'm It's not always this way, but I tell you for sure, I am happier spending time with my family in a clean environment that I am quite proud of. So, lower the standards? No!
Ever since my baptism by fire becoming a wife and mom all in one happened, I discovered I wasn't a very good house keeper. I'm creative, I love to be in the moment, and I adore my kids... I would WAY rather play with them than clear the table, WAY rather hold them and read to them than do the laundry. I just want to be with them. But they make messes. And so do I. Some people have clean houses. Other people don't. And there are a bunch in between. Oh yes, and then there are hoarders and other such developments on the opposite of the spectrum like the obsessive compulsive cleaners. I was in the middle there somewhere. And I noticed something - people have systems in their homes. The better systems people have, the cleaner and neater their homes are. I didn't have a system. AT ALL.
So I've read a few books in between the time of the talk about lowering my standards and the cleanish house I write in today.
First I read The Compound Effect. I learned that it's worth it to make small changes. .. like reading a new book every month on a new topic you want to learn about, or making your bed, or.. going for a walk every day. So I did. I've also been working though The Storyline workbook where I work through my history and my priorities. I let some things go and got proactive in my own life by being aware of the choices I'm making. I discovered this lady who was a lot like me. Hard working, creative, busy... and full of good intentions, but the kids would always say, "who's coming over??" whenever she cleaned her house. She wrote a book called "The House that Cleans Itself." I love it. She has a lot of ideas, but mostly what I learned, is that I need a system, and if I am not a natural cleaner-house organizer-lady, I need to read and learn how to do it.
And finally, I have been reading this blog. It's by this guy who has a wife and kids and realized his stuff was getting in the way of him enjoying life and his family. So he became a minimalist. Rational minimalist if you must know.. he writes about things like clutter. And his ideas are great. I suppose you might wake up every morning with a wonderful master plan for your life, but I don't. I need help.
When I try to make changes in my life, I act like things really can be changed in a day. But.. they don't usually. I've been married for 5 years, and only now, am I starting to feel like I have a level of competency in caring for my home. I haven't even started to talk about grocery shopping and meal planning. Or fitness. Or homeschooling. Or my pursing God. Just don't be discouraged if you can't do something, and especially don't sweat it if everyone who seems to know better tells you that this is just the way it is. It's not. You can't necessarily be and do everything you imagine for a moment you might want to do or be. But if something IS important to you, there is a way. You just have to be patient and find it. Or actually, learn and grow into it. I didn't have the capacity to do everything I do now. Someone could have given me the info and it would have hurt rather than helped me five years ago.
The next time someone tells you to lower your standards because you want something they don't think you can have, don't let it get to you. Keep your eye on what you want and look for your people - people you might never meet but who are doing something can't or know something you don't. Engage in the process. Let time and good choices take their toll..
I'm not saying you can have it all. But if something really matters to you, go after it.
I love my kids more than the whole world, and my in-the-process-of-decluttering-house makes me happy.
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