It's our anniversary (yesterday): a little history on the karlsson mystery

Yesterday was our 7 year wedding anniversary. Well, we thought it was today but we were mistaken about the date. I was probably the one who “looked” on the calendar and said, “yep, it’s on Tuesday!” . . . or maybe we didn’t look on the calendar. Maybe we were too tired to look and just agreed which day was the 6th without looking. Either way, it happened. 

Seven years ago, I married a man and 2 little boys. I remember the day he said to me, “I give you these 2 boys. You are their mom. They are not my boys anymore. They are our boys.”   

At least 6 years before that a friend prayed for me. It was supposed to be just a quick bless you, love you, see you soon, miss you. I thought. Then she said, “I see a man and some children and I hear God say that family is coming to you.” I didn’t think much of it and we said goodbye. 

But then my mind kicked in. A man with children? A divorced man? A man whose wife passed away? Second wife? I’m going to be a SECOND WIFE!??? 

I’m a little bit competitive. I like first. First is good with me in most everything.. and when it comes to being a wife.. one and only was what I had always dreamt of. 

There was no way that this could be God. 

So I told my parents. .. who gaped at each other and dad had the audacity to say, “Should we tell her??”

I was hoping they would say it was crazy. I was hoping they would say there was nothing to it. Instead they said, “Your mom had a dream. And in it she saw a man and a little boy.” In fact my mom said, “I drew a picture of them. Wait. I’ll go get it.”

And there it was. A tall man. A little boy. Family. 

So I wrestled. I watched. I waited, prayed, wrote poems. I prayed for the little boy. It was so frustrating. One day I was ready to give up on the whole stupid thing and I said to God, “YOU SAID YOU GIVE US GOOD AND PERFECT GIFTS! HOW IS BEING SOMEONE’S SECOND WIFE THE BEST??”  

Do the math. Second is never the winner. 

He said, “Who he is when he gets to you, will be a direct result of what he’s been through. If he hadn’t been through what he’s going through, he wouldn’t be the best for you. But when he gets there, he will be.”

And so I had to rest with that for years. At least six years. My mennonite grandmother who had heard nothing of this looked at me one day and said, “You know Heidi, maybe God has a ready made family for you.” And that was it. What??

Then we met. Through e-harmony of all things (dear Lord don’t even ask). His wife had passed away and he was left with two little boys. Funniest thing ever, on our first date Joel looks at me and says something like, "this song is on my heart" and proceeds to sing the song "Father of Lights"... which includes the part  "every good and perfect gift comes from you...." over and over and over.  Hilarious. 

And God gave me family. Miraculously. We’ve added two more little girls to the mix. 

7 years of learning that they need me to be mom so I can’t throw the tantrums. Learning that kindness leads to repentance. Yelling and anger disconnect hearts. Learning that justice is nothing between a parent and child. Love is everything. Learning that Joel and I are a team no matter what. Learning that life is punishing enough to a man, and I don’t need to be. 

Marriage and motherhood came all at once for me. I don’t know one without the other. It has been ... first of all, tiring (JUST BEING HONEST).  What a crazy privilege to be gifted with children that did not originate with me. Human life is the most valuable thing we have, and I was given 2 lives to love, know, care for. I was entrusted with them. I feel it keenly. 

Marriage and parenthood are sacred gifts. I don’t think I carry that reality often enough in my consciousness. My prayer is to be the safest person on the planet for all the people in my family to come to. I’m somewhere along the way, but not there yet. I repent deeply and often to all of my kids. And to Joel. 

Happy Family Day to us... It's so very good, and still, the best is yet to come.