I can't get it right. Maybe I shouldn't.
Is it important to do things the right way?
Seems like a simple easy yes, right? No?
I'm going to say no.. and not just for fun. For real. There is this idea out there (and in here.. points to head and heart) that there is a right way to do things. Start simple. A right way to fold your laundry. A right way to prepare chicken. A right way to shoot a basketball. A right way to wash your hands.
We love organizing ourselves around best practices and "right ways" to do things.
I'm starting to see how even the word "right" has been super destructive in my life.
Have you ever done an art project and then looked over at someone else's painting, and thought, "Aw man! I suck! Look at how good theirs is!" and then totally devalued what you had just done? I've lived like that. I'm always after the best way to do something, never enjoying where I am now and the fact that I will never be the best at anything and that this whole process is stealing my joy.. and my life.
Yep. It's stealing my life.
Is there a right way to raise kids? Read your Bible? Sing songs to God? I wonder if, as Christians, we fall into this trap even more than others. I don't know. Haven't done a survey. But I wonder.
Holiness, righteousness... very Christian words - right standing with God, has been really important to me. I remember in grade 12 doing a worksheet with a pastor as he show me these circles of missing God's will, God's permissible will, and then God's perfect will. Holy Crap did that scare the heck out of me as a 17 year old trying to set her life up right. One mistake... and I'm out of the club. My trajectory will be off forever and God and I will spend the rest of my life on earth trying to get me back to as close as we can to his perfect will that I ruined way back in the day.
When I played basketball, I wanted so badly to do everything right. So badly that I didn't enjoy the majority of my playing career. I judged everyone else who didn't have the "right stuff" down like I did, and measured myself against those who had it more figured out than I did. No joy. No fun.
I have kids. I'm a mom. I'm a wife. Is there a right way to do family? We could fight about there being better ways. You know, pay attention to your kids, listen to them.. etc. But I feel so much pressure to do it right. According to whom? What if I'm creative, not administrative? What if I don't wash my kids sheets every week.. month.. or..
The idea of "right" is like a choke hold around my heart whenever I want to take a risk. There are so many chances I didn't take. I spent years thinking through right ways to start things. I was thrilled when I heard the words: "Anything Worth Doing is Worth Doing Badly." G. K. Chesterton.
I grew up hearing the words, "MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT!"
I get it. You're mixing chemicals. You're cutting hair. You gotta have some skill and best practices.
But I'm starting to think that there isn't actually only ONE RIGHT WAY to do things.
I remember I once believed that in order to have a great worship service, the musicians couldn't stop playing between songs. The more you could blend the songs, run one into the other seamlessly, the more the presence of God would be able to stay. One of my team members asked me about it. I tried to defend it but had never read anything in the Bible about it. It was just the better way.. the right way.. the way we did things. Would God have minded if we did things differently? Was there another way? (Or a million that showed creativity and brought joy and fun instead of just seriousness into the room?)
As far as a right way to do things, I'm asking my mind to consider other options, otherwise I sit here paralyzed, well aware of my shortcomings and the amount of practice and preparation it will take to do things "right" (according to current popular opinion or the person whose opinion currently matters most to me)...AND WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN AUTHORITIES DON'T AGREE ON WHAT IS RIGHT? Mind blown right? Frozen. How can I choose? I need to know what is RIGHT (case in point.. vaccinations!! such a polarizing discussion).
When we believe there is only one right way to live our lives, we are cut off from ourselves, our hearts, cut off our own creativity and start to lose who we are and who we have the potential to be.
And I wonder what the goal in life is. For about 10 years (or more.. I am embarrassed to say) I have tried to juggle a soccer ball back and forth between my feet. I never got past 10. So I googled it and picked up some pointers. In 1 day, it all changed. I believe in technique. I believe in learning... but those 10 years were still valuable and even fun. And guess what, a real soccer player would say my new and improved skills are laughable even now. Still, I am having fun learning. Isn't that the point? I am sad to watch myself and others strain underneath the weight of needing to achieve a standard that has no value for process, creativity, and enjoying the moment.
Kyle Cease is a guy I've been reading and following for a bit. He wrote a book called "I hope I screw this up."
Everything he talks about has messed with me. I have never known what to do with my mistakes (missing the perfect will... AHHH). I have learned to get love by doing what is "right" - so when I fail, I no longer feel worthy of love. My life has defied my expectations. I am not where I wanted to be, imagined, dreamed, or hoped to be. I have circumstances around me that are miles away from the mighty "RIGHT." The weight of this is so overwhelming sometimes I forget to breathe. But I am somewhere, and there has to be beauty and value and hope in this place.
I wonder if the greatest creative achievements (or moments of pure joy) have arisen in the face of "there is only one way to do this" or "this is the right way to.." and someone just couldn't get it right and so they found their own way, a way that worked for them... a way that came from inside their own heart.
I wonder if I could have the most amazing life, family, friendship, and relationships if I learned more about who I am and what I am and HOW I am inside, and lived out of there, rather than trying to live up to someone else's ideal imposed on me from the outside.
I have a hunch that if I stop investigating and reading all those books about how other people have it all figured out and start learning more about who I am and listening to my heart to find out what is life giving for me, it could change everything.
Seems like a simple easy yes, right? No?
I'm going to say no.. and not just for fun. For real. There is this idea out there (and in here.. points to head and heart) that there is a right way to do things. Start simple. A right way to fold your laundry. A right way to prepare chicken. A right way to shoot a basketball. A right way to wash your hands.
We love organizing ourselves around best practices and "right ways" to do things.
I'm starting to see how even the word "right" has been super destructive in my life.
Have you ever done an art project and then looked over at someone else's painting, and thought, "Aw man! I suck! Look at how good theirs is!" and then totally devalued what you had just done? I've lived like that. I'm always after the best way to do something, never enjoying where I am now and the fact that I will never be the best at anything and that this whole process is stealing my joy.. and my life.
Yep. It's stealing my life.
Is there a right way to raise kids? Read your Bible? Sing songs to God? I wonder if, as Christians, we fall into this trap even more than others. I don't know. Haven't done a survey. But I wonder.
Holiness, righteousness... very Christian words - right standing with God, has been really important to me. I remember in grade 12 doing a worksheet with a pastor as he show me these circles of missing God's will, God's permissible will, and then God's perfect will. Holy Crap did that scare the heck out of me as a 17 year old trying to set her life up right. One mistake... and I'm out of the club. My trajectory will be off forever and God and I will spend the rest of my life on earth trying to get me back to as close as we can to his perfect will that I ruined way back in the day.
When I played basketball, I wanted so badly to do everything right. So badly that I didn't enjoy the majority of my playing career. I judged everyone else who didn't have the "right stuff" down like I did, and measured myself against those who had it more figured out than I did. No joy. No fun.
I have kids. I'm a mom. I'm a wife. Is there a right way to do family? We could fight about there being better ways. You know, pay attention to your kids, listen to them.. etc. But I feel so much pressure to do it right. According to whom? What if I'm creative, not administrative? What if I don't wash my kids sheets every week.. month.. or..
The idea of "right" is like a choke hold around my heart whenever I want to take a risk. There are so many chances I didn't take. I spent years thinking through right ways to start things. I was thrilled when I heard the words: "Anything Worth Doing is Worth Doing Badly." G. K. Chesterton.
I grew up hearing the words, "MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT!"
I get it. You're mixing chemicals. You're cutting hair. You gotta have some skill and best practices.
But I'm starting to think that there isn't actually only ONE RIGHT WAY to do things.
I remember I once believed that in order to have a great worship service, the musicians couldn't stop playing between songs. The more you could blend the songs, run one into the other seamlessly, the more the presence of God would be able to stay. One of my team members asked me about it. I tried to defend it but had never read anything in the Bible about it. It was just the better way.. the right way.. the way we did things. Would God have minded if we did things differently? Was there another way? (Or a million that showed creativity and brought joy and fun instead of just seriousness into the room?)
As far as a right way to do things, I'm asking my mind to consider other options, otherwise I sit here paralyzed, well aware of my shortcomings and the amount of practice and preparation it will take to do things "right" (according to current popular opinion or the person whose opinion currently matters most to me)...AND WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN AUTHORITIES DON'T AGREE ON WHAT IS RIGHT? Mind blown right? Frozen. How can I choose? I need to know what is RIGHT (case in point.. vaccinations!! such a polarizing discussion).
When we believe there is only one right way to live our lives, we are cut off from ourselves, our hearts, cut off our own creativity and start to lose who we are and who we have the potential to be.
And I wonder what the goal in life is. For about 10 years (or more.. I am embarrassed to say) I have tried to juggle a soccer ball back and forth between my feet. I never got past 10. So I googled it and picked up some pointers. In 1 day, it all changed. I believe in technique. I believe in learning... but those 10 years were still valuable and even fun. And guess what, a real soccer player would say my new and improved skills are laughable even now. Still, I am having fun learning. Isn't that the point? I am sad to watch myself and others strain underneath the weight of needing to achieve a standard that has no value for process, creativity, and enjoying the moment.
Kyle Cease is a guy I've been reading and following for a bit. He wrote a book called "I hope I screw this up." Everything he talks about has messed with me. I have never known what to do with my mistakes (missing the perfect will... AHHH). I have learned to get love by doing what is "right" - so when I fail, I no longer feel worthy of love. My life has defied my expectations. I am not where I wanted to be, imagined, dreamed, or hoped to be. I have circumstances around me that are miles away from the mighty "RIGHT." The weight of this is so overwhelming sometimes I forget to breathe. But I am somewhere, and there has to be beauty and value and hope in this place.
I wonder if the greatest creative achievements (or moments of pure joy) have arisen in the face of "there is only one way to do this" or "this is the right way to.." and someone just couldn't get it right and so they found their own way, a way that worked for them... a way that came from inside their own heart.
I wonder if I could have the most amazing life, family, friendship, and relationships if I learned more about who I am and what I am and HOW I am inside, and lived out of there, rather than trying to live up to someone else's ideal imposed on me from the outside.
I have a hunch that if I stop investigating and reading all those books about how other people have it all figured out and start learning more about who I am and listening to my heart to find out what is life giving for me, it could change everything.
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