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AN INTERVIEW WITH AUSTIN - PART 2 IN A SERIES ON ANXIETY

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When I was growing up, I had a little buddy named Austin. He was super intense. It seems like his whole body would vibrate with intensity and he would pace back and forth when he talked. He talked non-stop about movies and agonized over whether he would take a role in a movie if the director required him to swear.  I thought he was so unique and honestly, awesome and hilarious. His mom would tell me stories about how he’d have meltdowns every day before school saying he “hated his stupid pants, and hated his stupid shoes” etc, and how he was terrified of kids with special needs.  None of us knew anything about anxiety. When Austin was turning 9, I made him a birthday card that turned into a book - it was about a boy who lost his “nine”  on his birthday - only to realize, it was a dream and nothing to really fear. Looking back and considering what I’m learning about anxiety, I find my story for Austin uncanny.  Unhealthy anxiety in kids is always based on a s...

MAKING SENSE OF ANXIETY - A COURSE by GORDON NEUFELD - PART 1 IN A SERIES ON ANXIETY

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I've read the word "anxiety" a million times on facebook and instagram. I've heard plenty of friends tell me their kids struggle with anxiety. I've even (sorry) rolled my eyes at conversations where people used the phrase "my anxiety is so bad"... because I thought they were being weak. Again. Sorry.  I had NO CLUE what anxiety was or where it came from.  Then my daughter's behavior started changing and the word anxiety started coming up.  So I watched  Gordon Neufeld’s course: “Making Sense of Anxiety.” For the full course, check it out from the library or view his 60 minute talk here .  Here is what I've learned.  Anxiety isn’t bad. It’s basically our relationship to being alarmed.  We need attachment. Facing separation alarms us. BUT this is a normal part of human development. This is the way the brain was meant to develop. So good news.  Alarm is HEALTHY. Anxiety is NORMAL.  Gordon Neufeld...

YOU ALL DISAPPOINT ME (but read on.. that's just the ugly beginning)

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You all disappoint me.  That’s what I learned about myself the other day. I was having dinner with a friend and she said, “yeah Heidi that’s always been a thing with you. People disappoint you.”  WAaaaahhh????? Like, is what she’s saying… is she doesn’t live constantly disappointed in people?  Constantly disappointed in herself? No. She doesn’t. Apparently not everyone walks around just super disappointed in themselves and everyone else.  I did some work on it. Wrote out my philosophy of people. I have a lot of expectations of us all. And we are all very flawed and disappointing.  I kept exploring my thoughts.  My Christianity has been very disappointing to me because I haven’t become very loving, despite a ton of rule abiding and Bible reading, meeting attending, fun sacrificing etc etc (which by the way many of you didn’t do and I have so judged you and I’m so disappointed).  I think disappointment is another n...

I can't get it right. Maybe I shouldn't.

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Is it important to do things the right way?  Seems like a simple easy yes, right? No? I'm going to say no.. and not just for fun. For real. There is this idea out there (and in here.. points to head and heart) that there is a right way to do things. Start simple. A right way to fold your laundry. A right way to prepare chicken. A right way to shoot a basketball. A right way to wash your hands.  We love organizing ourselves around best practices and "right ways" to do things.  I'm starting to see how even the word "right" has been super destructive in my life. Have you ever done an art project and then looked over at someone else's painting, and thought, "Aw man! I suck! Look at how good theirs is!" and then totally devalued what you had just done? I've lived like that. I'm always after the best way to do something, never enjoying where I am now and the fact that I will never be the best at anything and that...

sometimes I just want to rip out a self-righteous roar....

Today something happened that made me angry, embarrassed and frustrated. I had an exchange with someone that was more underneath than it was on the surface. A friend was standing beside me. I couldn’t make eye contact with her. I could feel the confusion. “Why is this person treating you like this, and why is it suddenly so awkward in here??” At least that’s what I felt she felt. But I might have just felt it for myself. I left the situation in tears. How dare you. How. Dare. You.  I wanted to toss that hot potato right back at them. Here ya go. You feel some pain for a bit now.  I’m working it through still. I read lately that if something makes you scared you need to write it. I’m scared.  Not of someone else and what they said. Or how they treated me. I’m scared of what this whole situation might say about me. Me. I’m scare of what’s inside me. It’s like someone went rifling through my garbage cans in the back alley, cans that are no one’s business...

Be kind to yourself.. Really?

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Be kind to yourself.  Really?  Such a funny little phrase.  Is it legit, or is it one of those dangerously entitling phrases that send people off the deep end into self indulgence... focus on me, me thoughts, me time, me life.. I.. I... I... The word “kind” is such an interesting one. It doesn’t mean “nice,” it’s more along the lines of “a good or benevolent nature or disposition.” Thanks dictionary.com.  I have had kind people correct me, disagree with me, and even disciplined me. And I love them.  On the other side of the coin, I’ve been around mean people. They don’t need to correct, disagree or discipline me. All they need to do is look at me and I get the message. LEAVE. And I do.  So, “be kind to yourself.” What can it mean?  I have an internal voice that talks to me almost non-stop about things like how I look, how I compare to others around me, what other people are thinking, what other people think I am thinkin...