MAKING SENSE OF ANXIETY - A COURSE by GORDON NEUFELD - PART 1 IN A SERIES ON ANXIETY

Christmas is over. No big deal. Everything good about it is still true, and everything bad about it is a memory and was probably based on pressure we put on ourselves in areas that had nothing to do with Christ and his gift of himself to us. It took me all of four minutes to put my three trees away, a string of lights wrapped around fake bushes (what is it called?? those fake branches that wrap around any and everything), my wreath, the candle that makes things smell like Christmas. The silver stars still hang from the ceiling, but they can stay because they are not red or green and we all know stars hang in the sky every day of our lives. But mostly I want to talk about this picture. I am quite pleased with it. When challenged not to be a poop-head about decorating my place, it occurred to me that decorating could be quite exciting. And oh was it ever. This piece of wrapping paper and Christmas ribbon art left little to be desired in the way of conversation and inspiration. But now it is time to take the wrapping off and put paint to the canvas. I am very curious about what will become of this spare frame. Two times this canvas has been destined to be painted on and for some reason, what it was to be never came to fruition. What now? Can you tell I have no idea what to paint but I'm excited about the adventure? Yes. Here also are some things that I am excited about and may or may not tie in to what shall henceforth manifest itself in some manner or other on this humble canvas. I have been reading "Jesus Rediscovered" by Malcolm Muggeridge. I have to use my dictionary because he makes references that I am completely ignorant of. But wow. He talks about his journey towards God and states: "The one thing above all others that You require of us is, surely, the truth. I have to confess then, that I see only fitfully, believe no creed wholly, have had no all-sufficing moment of illumination." HAH! A book written by someone who doesn't think he has all the answers. Yay! I get so discouraged by people who have it all figured out. They make me tired and sad. But this man's admission that he can't put his foot down and say "I know that I know that I know" or "I get it and I'll sign my name right here" for some reason made me wake up with a smile on my face and hope in my heart (I read the chapter right before bed). He continues to say some things that might seem disloyal as a believer in Jesus... "And You- what do I know of You? A living presence in the world; the One who, of all the billions and billions and billions of our human family came most immediately from God and went most immediately to God, while remaining most humanly and intimately here among us, today, as yesterday and tomorrow; for all time. Did you live and die and rise from the dead as they say? Who knows, or for that matter, cares? History is for the dead and You are alive. Similarly all those churches raised and maintained in Your name... They belong to time, You to eternity. At the intersection of time and eternity- nailed there- You confront us; a perpetual reminder that, living, we die and, dying we live." There's more, but it's out of context here in this quotational situation : ) Can you believe he says, "who knows, or for that matter, cares"?!!! What??! IS HE ALLOWED TO SAY THAT AND STILL BE A CHRISTIAN? Heh. I think so. He doesn't stop at wondering, which I think is a big deal, but he went there and wasn't ashamed to say so. Thanks Mr. Muggeridge. And all this in chapter one. I guess it comes back to hope in HIM and not in my confident knowledge or whatever else it is I try to be sure about. Happy New Year as defined by the convention of time and all things humanly contrived to give us a sense of knowing where we fit in the scope of the logical progression of things in a forward manner.