so Christmas. The little (now family 0f 6) is somewhere on the water between here and the island. All is empty and silent. clean. No little boots and coats compete with the jacket and scarf I left upstairs. It's there all on its unhappy solitary own. They drove away in their borrowed mini-van after two weeks of incredibly interrupting my life. Nothing was normal. Every moment mattered. Making eye contact. Being there. Every day. All times of the day. Sharing stories. Asking questions. Sitting. Last words constantly repeated by Arabelle. Abrupt kisses erupting from Timmy. Facts and numbers broken down and explained by Joe. He knows everyone's birthday. And Havalah. She finally came the 26th. My sister was so glad. I couldn't read my bible or get changed in any sort of religious seclusion. I had to teach them to knock. It was shocking and a little offensive to them. Why on earth would I even want to stop them from coming into my room when they KNEW I was in there? Didn't ...
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I think that I know things. Like I think that I know that most people who have blogs secretly hope that they will be "discovered" by readers who will find them and every aspect of their lives, fascinating. People all over the world, they hope, will tune in each week to see what has been posted, what the great and intriguing blogger has said. I think that people think that, because I think that. So far, my blog has been a dismal failure and I must be boring as pie and full of uninteresting drivel, because masses haven't even begun flocking to me. Who are these people who's blogs make them famous? Is there such a thing? Or is it famous people who have popular blogs... famous first, blog second. And I will never be famous. Or perhaps I will never be comparatively famous. One must consider the size of the pond. I am known by people I don't know. But that's a stretch. Anyway. I wonder how many bloggers have the secret fantasy of being found and followed. Read. Admi...
when the sun comes what i do and what it does mean very different things but what i'm wondering while i let light cover even smother me with rays as it plays in my skin even my deeper life within is how so little at thing means everything so i stand. wait. hesitate for minutes, maybe days soaking because when night comes i need more than moon and memory i need light and love present with me
People I am reminded when the sun wicked shines of smiles breaking through faces. not everything of what comes, goes remains, matters, counts, lasts, lingers. what are we but spirits and things that eternally seek, waft, and wander inside our bodies and belongings discovering tasting God exploring possibilities, pushing sight and sound, breaking down and feeling finding the end and there beginning again
The other day, I heard a grandfather speak of his grandson’s death with more honesty than ever I have heard. And it shocked me. He said, “My grandson, you know, he was not a good boy, he was a rebellious boy. He had a good heart, but he was rebellious.” It was a little bit hard to hear. I’m so used to hearing that we only lose the ones that the world is not worthy of. Amazing. I remember hearing a story about this family who’s son got into gangs and drugs. Mafia I guess. Eventually the son got killed. The police were familiar with him. He’d caused a lot of trouble to the community at large. But when he died, the family paid (or arranged for.. however it’s done) for a 2 page full write up of their son, stating how he was such a good boy and had lived such a good life. The next day a public outcry arose and letters flooded the newspaper, denouncing the man. Again, a full two page write up. But this time not so positive. Either his family was full of lies or they were unable to accept rea...
I am thirty now. And it is different. I know people say it’s just a number and they didn’t feel any different after their birthday, but I do. I’m thirty. It’s really my life that I’m living. Growing up is surreal, because it’s spent admiring all these other people, thinking that they know what they’re doing, and imagining that when we get there, we’ll be able to be that great too. But then we grew up and our allusions of life proved to be, well, allusions. I think the main allusion that has taken the longest to be eroded is the one that says there is some sort of pre-destined path that I can walk in, as if in a dream (yes I used the word pre-destined but I’m not really talking doctrine. I’m using it in a different sense) and regardless of what I do, my path will be secure – the belief that the world owes me things, there are promises I can rely on, guarantees that will happen to me. But they didn’t. I got injured. I didn’t get married. I’m not a teacher. They didn’t let me into the sta...
It’s Monday, and a rainy one at that. All grey. We’ve got the wood stove ticking away (yes it does tick as the cast iron heats up and expands ever so slightly). I just had a great rough week. High internal activity. There’s a line in “Freaky Friday” (I think) that cracks me up – where the mom drops her daughter off at school and says, “Make good choices!” Of course the daughter rolls her eyes. But imagine if that’s all we did – make good choices. Imagine if that’s even what we did 75% of the time. Speaking of ticking as we were just a moment ago – I don’t understand what makes ME tick. We had an alumni basketball game this weekend. I wasn’t going to go. I had my reasons – I wasn’t really invited (officially, like with an invitation, but neither was anyone else), I didn’t know who else was going to be there . . . honestly I just didn’t think about it. The option was presented to me and I presented it with a firm “no” and planned to be out of town. But some teammates talked me into it – ...
I love it when kids are still young enough that when they’re caught at pretending, they don’t quit or get embarrassed. They just ignore you and keep on doing whatever it was they were at before you so ungraciously came by. There’s something precious about that un-embarrassment. I just saw the most beautiful thing at the park as I passed. Yes, there were kids pretending at some game where they were collecting tickets and buckling someone into a plane or ride at the fair (yes they looked at me but didn’t alter a single thing about their little magic game). But that’s not it. It was a dad with about 5 little girls. They must be 6 or 7 years old. 2 sets of ratty old pylons. A new pink soccer ball. Definitely no team, no league. Just a dad and 5 little girls. Maybe his daughter and their friends. He was leading them in stretching. Reach up high. . . Bend low and relax. Swing your arms. . . Some had their little outfits all ready to go – cleats, long socks, little umbro shorts and a jersey, ...
The News. 7:12pm. The place is empty. A couple of guys might be talking about "Amero" - the new North American dollar that is rumored to replace all Canadian, American, and Mexican currency. I bet people who watch the news and keep up with every little development have higher blood pressure than those of us who don't. I remember having to teach a grade 9 class about news. I was supposed to help them understand the difference between "News" and "Entertainment." Not so easy as I thought. I don’t remember what we actually came up with as a definition for either heading, but I do recall being more confused at the end of the unit than I had been at the beginning. We’re a generation that pushes things to their limits and formerly clear delineations disappear and everything begins to blend. Could be good. Could be bad. It all depends on what. I’m just saying, is all. It’s news if the Prime Minister stubs his toe in public, or gains wait, or calls one of the m...
I'm at City Blendz. Working. Having tea because I realize that coffee won't make me happy -instead it will suck the life out of my bones. Across from me are a group of older ladies. I played basketball against one of their daughters in highschool. There's 6 of them. Laughing, talking, agreeing, disagreeing, discussing how they want to live and die in "Home Sense" - the store. I am trying not to eaves-drop, but they are so loud. I turn up my itunes and wonder, "When I'm 55 and beyond, will I have girlfriends to talk to? Friends who have been around for ever . . " Right now there is some scandalous story, and heads are wagging and there's lots of "oh goodness . . oh my . . . ohh ohh" It's beautiful. Anyway. They don't seem the un-opinionated type who put up with each other. They seem like a bunch of characters like might play pranks on each other. I hope I have friends I can fight with when I'm 55, friends who love and listen...
It’s 5:33 pm. I wouldn’t believe it except for two clocks independent of one another have made mutual confirmation for me. I have been caught up in the whirlwind. Missions trip to Port Alice, BC to do a VBS (which was a lifetime of experiences in itself), back down the coast to Keats Camps where our youth pastor put on a youth camp for our youth. So you got the connection there. Youth. Ok. Moving on. All of my family is in town: the ones from Quebec and the ones from the Island. They were all here today. So I’m home. They’re home. We’re all home. VBS. So great. Yeah, yeah, challenging and all that stuff. Tell me what about working with people isn’t challenging. But working with kids, now that’s the big time. Especially telling them stories about Jesus and watching their blank faces register absolutely no sort of recognition to any of even the most familiar tales we tell of scripture and our God. Introducing them to singing together and hopefully some worship. Can you imagine (in this c...
So it's off to the island on a missions trip with the kids. Super excited. VBS. Camping, youth camp. Oh what fun it is to ride in a big white chevrolet. Try saying that word phonetically. Chev-ro-let. Funny. I just thought I'd drop a line (cool saying huh) because it's nice to drop lines. Drop lines, not anchors. Not that I mean anything by that, but it could. In some big pep talk it could really go over nicely. I think about "church" a lot. Someone asked me today, "Are you still going to the same church? How's that going for you?" (welcome to my blog - you the asker of my question. It's a good one. ) It's kind of funny. Some people love attending "church." Some people refuse. Some people were hurt by "the church" and now hate God. Some people go to "church" and criticize it. Some people go and don't think about it. Others run churches and don't think about it. Some run em and think about it. but then I ...
I recently returned from “The Call” in Nashville, Tennessee. “The Call” was simply a day of fasting and prayer, crying out to God in repentance and worship. I met up with the My Canada crew (Tamara Crampton and Faytene Kryskow) in Ontario, took a 12 hour bus ride through the states and met up with Pastor Jim and some of the Anderson fam down in Nashville. Here’s what The Call organizers said, and what drew me down there: In 1967, 100,000 young people, aged 15-25, flocked to San Francisco to experience the hippie movement. The mass convergence was sparked by the hit song, San Francisco (Wear a flower in Your Hair). Once there, they experimented with LSD, pot, causal sex and Eastern mysticism in what became known as the “Summer of Love.” When these newly recruited flower Children returned home at the end of summer, they brought with them new styles and ideas, flooding the cities of the US and Europe with a message that opposed authority and scorned conservative morals. This countercultur...
You shouldn't start your blog with sorry. So I won't. Thanks to all of you who have been telling me you've been reading this. This one’s dedicated to you (how apropos because you are in fact the same ones who are reading it now. It’s kind of cyclical reasoning but I’m not getting graded or edited, so here goes the free writing and free thought). I just spent the last 3 hours working on chapter 3 (incidentally) of Pastor Jim’s book. I have classical music playing in my headphones. It’s the playlist on my computer that I always use for this kind of stuff –I named it “easy on the ears.” Just classical inspiration. No words. Well, some words in another language but I can’t understand so it doesn’t distract me. My thumb has been twitching. That’s never a happened before, but if I relax it, it sort of jumps to the side toward my other fingers. I’ve heard of eyes twitching, but not this. This book is going to get done. Some days I feel it. Some days I say it by faith. It’s so funn...
I just finished doing the first read through of Pastor Jim's book. It's going to be so great. It's not done, I just wanted to to put it together for flow to see how the direction was working.. Oh my GOODNESS!!! It's working. I am so excited. Now back to fiddling and making sure we didn't miss anything. Oh man oh man. Ok. Now it's back to work. I just had to celebrate a little bit. I just posted Lifeline's new newsletter for the month of June as well. There's some good stuff in there about adoption. One zinger quote. You'll know exactly what i'm talking about when you see it. Ok. back to work.
MARCH TO MAY NEWSLETTER the UPdate: Since my place of employment is in Spokane, In January I tried to obtain an American Religious workers Visa three times. I went to the border and got denied for different reasons every time which resulted in being photographed, fingerprinted, and flogged . . . ahem, I mean flagged each time as well. Late January a Congressional office in Spokane made an appeal on my behalf to determine what the exact issues were with my visa and to inquire what we could do about it. Early April, Officials in DC notified us a that decision had been made regarding my situation. They requested my signature to release the information to the Spokane office. I signed and faxed. Next thing we know, we know nothing. We contact them. They promise a final answer by May 1st. On May 7th the final answer came and it was, in a bunch of different words and reasons the equivalent of “No working. . . but you can visit.” So I have just returned from a week’s visit to Spokane and alt...
Do you ever just think, "MAN I LOVE MY LIFE!!" ? It could just be the weather, but it could just be life. I'm sitting here in my home, working away (actually having one of those days that's begging to distract me while my insides turn ADHD) and my heart or whatever that thing is in there that lives and takes in every aspect of life and processes it for us, or it is us, well in moments it grows. Or it smiles. Or it sighs. Sometimes it cries, but not today. I just mention that because it rhymes. Could just be it's hot and sunny, I shot hoops for a few minutes and now everything is right in the world even though it just cost me $500 to get something fixed on my car. What is life (I say as a statement and not a question).Whatever it is, sometimes I'm in love with it. All the pain in the world doesn't compare to the beauty. I guess I'll just be happy with it and when the day comes and the ugliness of life shades the sun, I'll ride that one too. What to ...
I am in Spokane. Visiting. It has been great. . . but too short as every good visit is and ever will be. This is a good thing. I have been careful not to engage in any work so as to be honorable and have "no guile" in my mouth as God showed me in my Bible reading. He says it's ok for the government to punish you if you deserve it. So don't disobey he says. I am trying. My logic would like to over-rule that one, but alas things are as they are and I can not complain. But what would I like to have you know? Business or pleasure.. Well, I shall come forth with a newsletter when i return, however, I will say for now, I'm committed to Lifeline and if it has to be "lifeline Canada" so be it. I will do it. I'm working for the Church in a unique position that allows me to priorities lifeline work, requires me to raise support, and frees me to continue to help with interns worship stuff and even some short term missions trips as well as creative drama/music/a...
I went swimming the other day. I swim. Not well, but ever improving. Well, it was spring break. Even though it was only 7:30 am on a non-school spring break day, there were these two youngsters paddling back and forth in the fast lane. Anyway, so there I was with my hot goggles and my sweet old swimcap and adorable swimsuit looking all hardcore ready to swim. I stood in the lane and sort of looked at them for a bit. They just lolly-gagged back and forth with those little floatation devices. I jumped in and figured they’d get it pretty quick and get out of my way. I didn’t see them go past me, but I smelled them. I’ve never experienced that before. First him, then her. Two distinct perfume smells. Times like that I roll my eyes and try not to think about what other sweat particles, boogers, and whatever else lands in the water and I thank God for chlorine. What are kids doing up so early on a holiday anyway? Weird. And do you know we are 21 days into the rain and if we go 6 more we b...
It is February 27, 2007. My computer tells me so. And yet again I write from the downstairs of the house in Abbotsford. Canada. Yes. I remain in my home and native land. Here’s the condensed version: In order to work for Pastor Jim I need a US work visa. We decided to apply for a Religious Workers visa – the R1. As a Canadian I can apply for it while going through the border, provided I have the appropriate application and supporting documents. I have tried to do this three times. Each time I have been politely refused and given different reasons for this refusal. Oh that elusive R1 Visa. As we speak, my case is in the midst of a congressional appeal. The congresswoman in Pastor Jim’s riding in Spokane has agreed to appeal on our behalf. Port authorities and people in Washington, DC are considering my case. The outcome isn’t a free Visa (unless something quite strange occurs). This process is simply to clarify and lay out what it is that I specifically need to do in order to work for L...
January Newsletter: Hellooooooooooo! Paul so often wrote great things like “grace and peace to you from God our Father and Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” and every time I read those greetings I fly so fast past them, realize it, go back, stop and wonder about them, and then ask God for his grace and peace. So I say to all of you this: I pray that you will be shocked at the largeness of God and will realize in the deepest part of who you are, along with all the saints, angels, and other spirits in heaven, hell, and earth - that as children of God, our obedience to Christ renders us literally unstoppable to any opposing force. I pray that this realization would revolutionize all our lives. Ok. I know, it’s not as beautiful as Paul’s greeting, but for you I submit my somewhat awkward and lengthy greeting. I am writing from my chilly basement in Abbotsford instead of my not so chilly basement in Spokane. In the fall when I went down to start with Lifeline, I went as a visitor just to make...
It has been nearly a month since I last blogged. Can you believe it?! I am up in Canada due to a stoppage at the border crossing which I must submit to. We're working on trying to get some documents to verify some important information and then hopefully I will be on my way back to Spokane. Until then, I am ok with being here because I feel a sense of purpose in it. Even packing my bags to go I felt like I was supposed to be here a little longer. Alas, I am. As for the no blogging, I switched over to the beta thing and then I forgot my password and couldn't get in and so didn't blog nor read anyone's blog. Hutchy, I tried to email you but apparently I have the wrong addy because it came back like a daemon. And then I tried to put a little comment on your blog, but I couldn't despite repeated tries because: 1) my computer asked if I wanted it to re-organize. I thought it was a nice guesture until I realized that it incapacitated me and I had no idea where all my fil...